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Post by corinne on Jul 22, 2011 12:51:22 GMT 1
Dear Everyone,
I have recently seen Martin in the hope that I can heal from Breast cancer which has progressed to secondary tumours to bone, liver, lungs. Yuk!
I was sure that I could beat this. However, doubts are always present, my symptoms gaining a hold, and I seem unable to grasp a new vibrational level to change my reality. Getting better has become my reason to exist, taking all of my energy. I'm exhausted just thinking about how to effect a change.
Love to Martin for support, but I think I need others too to help me effect what would be a wonderful result and prove that the world is really worth being in. I really am tired of being stuck here, it's very unpleasant.
Love
Corinne x
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jul 22, 2011 16:16:09 GMT 1
You do need to look at where there are or have been tensions with someone close to your heart - and anger issues as well (liver).
With the idea that everything begins in the consciousness, when you develop a symptom that can result in death, that begins with a decision to die. You have been facing a situation you have decided is unacceptable, but you have seen no way out of it except to die. You do need to resolve this situation. Otherwise you have decided to not face life with that situation in it.
Do you feel like discussing what you have been so unhappy about?
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Post by corinne on Jul 23, 2011 13:54:28 GMT 1
Yes,
I think that anger and resentment must be the thing eating away at me, literally. I thought that just accepting this fact and trying a technique like meditation and your chakra technique might be enough to shift it. However, there is still a massive blockage. I think maybe I have intellectualised the anger but it hasnt got to the root of it -yet!
I think a lifetime of negative thinking isnt helping and negative self beliefs. Self anything is associated with selfishness. I may be able to talk about why I'm so angry soon, but as yet I'm unable to adaquately express it. Well, I suppose I'm quite graphically expressing it, but I need a way of expelling it once and for all.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jul 23, 2011 14:57:10 GMT 1
You need to resolve the situation you have been so unhappy about, so first, you have to acknowledge what it is, and then do something about it.
Please treat this as the life-or-death situation that it is.
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Post by corinne on Jul 26, 2011 11:42:20 GMT 1
I have some childhood anger over feeling unimportant and powerless, but always knew this. I have tried to unpick this and I thought I understood it.
My mother was always scared of everything and very negative. She wanted to keep me attached. I could not rebel against this too much, being a "good girl". But I did get pregnant at 18.
My brother died 5 years ago at 33 of a rare sarcoma which grew around his heart. I don't think that was coincidence.
I guess I have played the victim and martyr as excuses for not doing what I wanted. However, I never really saw things for myself because I never thought things work for me. And those things I did try for , like my job, have always been stressful as I never feel secure .
From a teenager i have always had in the back of my mind that I would do things to avoid breast cancer, diet, exercise, no hormones, breast feed children, had them early.
I think more than anything my whole life has been lived like a negative- Idont want this so I'll try not to have things rather than I'll positively go after that. I think I'm unable to ask for what i want in case I don't get it with the disappointment and confirmation that I'm unloved, unworthy and not good enough. I therefore try not to get what i don't want. I look like I'm doing things and trying hard but I've not had the courage to really do things properly with positivity. I am angry then at the world in general and myself, at the circumstances that have led to my feeling life has been for everyone else.
I feel also forsaken by God, as I have never felt a connection I have always wanted- whatever that is.
I have tried various healing ideas, including Martin's, which i like because his has interaction, I am not passive in the healing, however I still feel too superficial. I don't think I'm going to get to unlock the problem until I wholly get under the skin of a spirituality. And maybe it's my natural reticence stopping me. And a wish for the possibility of healing having an undercurrent of disbelief.
I have tried to write this a dozen times.
I will update if I find what I'm looking for.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jul 26, 2011 13:29:21 GMT 1
We work with the idea that symptoms on the physical level reflect tensions in your consciousness about something happening in your life at the time the symptom began - so rather than looking into your childhood, you need to look at what was happening in your life with someone close to your heart at the time the symptom was discovered.
>I think I'm unable to ask for what i want in case I don't get it with the disappointment and confirmation that I'm unloved, unworthy and not good enough.
You are not unable - just unwilling until now. You now need to go for it.
> I feel also forsaken by God, as I have never felt a connection I have always wanted- whatever that is.
That also tells a story of a closed crown chakra, separation from your Dad, and feeling like you are living in a shell, not feeling the love around you.
> I have tried various healing ideas, including Martin's, which i like because his has interaction, I am not passive in the healing, however I still feel too superficial.
Yes, you still have some homework - for example, letting in your father's love.
> I don't think I'm going to get to unlock the problem until I wholly get under the skin of a spirituality. And maybe it's my natural reticence stopping me. And a wish for the possibility of healing having an undercurrent of disbelief.
If you continue talking to yourself like this, you will continue to procrastinate until you die. You need to talk to yourself in a way that encourages belief in the process, if you really want to live - and you also have to resolve the situation that you have been so unhappy about with the person close to your heart.
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Post by corinne on Jul 27, 2011 12:29:40 GMT 1
I keep coming back to childhood issues as possible causes, from my inner child or subconscious and therefore keep me from being happy. I do this because in 1999 and 2008 the two dates of my finding cancer, have not shown after much consideration, a definitive problematic situation with anyone close to my heart.
My kids were 9, 14 and 16, I was in the throws of family life.
In 2008 again was uneventful in terms of people close to me, there were no affairs, divorces, recent deaths, no problems with the children or parents.
I would love to find something that I could get my teeth into fixing but I genuinely have no idea. I could find a build up of stresses and things over time, about myself I'm not happy about. It's like chasing shadows, with more light they should get clearer, but mine get dimmer , as it's getting cloudier.
I'll continue to keep looking.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jul 28, 2011 7:00:03 GMT 1
Sounds like something really difficult for you to look at and acknowledge - but there must be something there.
Partner?
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Post by corinne on Jul 28, 2011 10:08:12 GMT 1
OK.
There maybe something here for me, but it must be very deep. I will explore it more and let you know.
I will need help doing this so I'll find someone professional.
I'm seeing a shaman in a few weeks, I love the idea of this.
Do you have any thoughts on how to go about exploring this. Can I use the body-mirror system?
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jul 28, 2011 17:10:27 GMT 1
We work with the idea that you know what you feel good about and what you feel bad about - bad enough to want to die rather than continue in the unhappy situation.
I noticed you did not answer the question about possible tensions with your partner.
Is there a partner in the story?
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Post by corinne on Jul 28, 2011 19:42:10 GMT 1
I have been married for 28 years next month. We met at school. We got married 6 months after are first baby was born, at 19.
Every long haul relationship has ups and downs and maybe I have shut down emotionally and do hold a bit of resentment. Over what I don't know, I'll need to explore it. I thought it was just me being unreasonable or over critical. He is a good man and father. I wouldn't want to hurt him. When we were younger we did argue and I threw alot of things. I stopped doing that and maybe just bottled whatever up instead.
Maybe I get to be myself more now I'm ill. Maybe I get more space. The trouble is I'm so unhappy about my situation and seeking a reason, I'm looking everywhere and I find unhappiness everywhere. Nothing gives me any pleasure or joy. As I said I will explore this and see what it throws up. I have set up a meeting with a hypnotherapist and counselor too. I'll need someone to ask me some searching questions, because if it's here it'll fight me to stay were it is.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jul 29, 2011 6:41:37 GMT 1
Okay.
...and starting now, keep your finger on the pulse of how you feel moment to moment during your day. Do what feel good and do not do what doesn't feel good. See which situations feel happy for you, and which do not - and see what your experience shows you.
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Post by corinne on Jul 29, 2011 9:18:19 GMT 1
Thanks Martin,
I will let you know.
Love Corinne
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Post by Angeleyes on Jul 29, 2011 10:30:24 GMT 1
Hello Corinne,
Perhaps you could attend one of Martin's Healing Intensives. For anyone who wants to heal their stuff, they really are the way to go.
From what I've read you find your life at this time to be - not a life you want to live- You seriously need to change this if you do want to live.
Read the success stories on this site, I've met some of the people who've healed from cancer at Martin's courses, and others who are still working on their healing - yet they are still here - getting better and better!
You can do it! If you want to. We all have the choice.
You just have to open and actively participate in your healing,
eg if there's something in your life that you're not happy with, then you need to deal with it so that you can resolve it. When you honestly feel it has been satisfactorily dealt with and is no longer an issue for you, move on to the next thing.
I listen to and take part in at least one mediation a day. Consistency is the key with them. And on the intensive class you really learn how to meditate!! I only thought I was meditating before my first class. Martin has already pointed you in a direction with his words on this post.
There is also a whole group of love and support on this message board, keep coming back to it.
Love and light,
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Post by corinne on Jul 30, 2011 19:47:10 GMT 1
Angeleyes,
Thank you for taking the trouble to reply.
I have just done the intensive in Copenhagen as I knew that I was coming up to a crisis point in my treatment and a decision was needed about whether to carry on with it.
Yesterday the news was not good as it has further spread and the conversation turned to where I want to be to die. That rather hit me, I was hoping some miracle might have happened from Copenhagen.
As well as Martins help I was hoping people might have added their stories of cancer cure to help me believe it is possible. Once Everest seemed impossible, now everyone's up there.
I haven't found what I want to do yet. And I keep wanting the cure first as all my energy is is thinking about this.
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