Struggling with others

[wearefree]

Hi Martin,

The statement, 'do what you want to do, and do not do what you do not want to do', is a little difficult for me to implement.
Unfortunately I lived a few years with someone who exhibited a slightly odd characteristic. They were easily offended by others who displayed confident behaviour and were succesful.

When I say offended I mean in a genuine sense, whereby it violates their moral code.

So now, I want to be myself, let myself go etc, but I feel the judgement from this person is still there..so that being myself results in their hurt, and I don't want to hurt anyone. I no longer live with this person.

The reason it is such a problem is because I also would quite like to become famous and I can foresee their objection to this.

Any advice, or suggestions?

[Martin Brofman]

You are free to do and be as you wish - and they are free to feel about it however they choose.

What they decide to feel is not your problem.

When you take total responsibility for yourself, and what you choose to think, feel, and do, you must also leave others the responsibility to do the same for themselves. In that way, you are no longer taking responsibility for their feelings, and thus are no longer subject to emotional blackmail.

[maiwa]

thanks, wearefree, for posting this thread.

I had a similar experience. I was being honest to myself, doing what felt good to do, out of a motivation to be clear. Another person took this as offense. Still situations like that are very painful for me. I know that they are free to understand things the way they want. On the physical level pain in the solarplexus comes up, feeling nausea and my thoughts seems to stop and i can´t speak anymore. Where can I focus at to feel better? This pain also keeps me away from seeing who really loves me. Sometimes it also seems that I am unable to look at something else. The conflict and the anger of the other person stuck inside myself.

[Martin Brofman]

You don't need to continue bothering yourself with what others choose to think or feel. Everyone is entitled to their opinion - and you are free to be who you are.

If there is an opening for it, you can communicate your true intentions - otherwide, you can consider that perhaps the other person is having a bad day, having nothing at all to do with you - and just see them with compassion and focus your attention on what you need to do yourself to enjoy your day.