Being - doing

[queen8]

A lot of times I find it so nice to take off my glasses (for nearsightedness and astigmatism). I feel more relaxed and FREE. A feeling of "I don't have to contract my muscles any more". The problem is that I can't DO anything without my glasses, because I can't see well enough. Of course, there are things I can do, but I can't be effective, I can't clean up the house, I can't get an overview. Usually I take off my glasses when I walk with the dog, which is nice... till I meet people (anyone I know?), or the dog wants to pick up something from the ground and I can't see whether it's okay or not.

So I feel the conflict between being and doing, between
*having my glasses there, "performing", acting, accomplishing things, and
*taking off my glasses feeling free but not able to create action because I don't see what to do.

I'll read an earlier post about yin-yang (MArtin's answer), but any input is welcome as to how to both see and create action. Reading through this post, I think the answer is that I have to resolve the situation where I felt I didn't see what I could do, find that situation, find out what to do, and step through the "not-knowing" and the fear of exposing myself. The task seems big...

Best wishes to everyone at this message board!

[Martin Brofman]

The idea is to see how much you actually CAN do without your glasses - and create for yourself a new sense of freedom from the dependency you have had on your glasses.

Also, as per the recommendations in my book, leave your glasses off when you do not need them to do what you are doing - and if you really need them to do what you are doing, you can put them on for that, and then take them off again.

After a while, when you notice that when you put them on they are uncomfortable for you, it can mean that your vision has already improved to some degree, and you can get your eyes re-examined to see how much improvement there has been so far.

[maiwa]

Thanks for the good wishes Queen 8!

I have the same problems: with -10 there are only a few things I can do without glasses.

I understand the need of becoming independent from the glasses. Maybe the question "What can I do withput glasses?" can become a new habit.

How to deal with the "withdrawal"? Everything feels uncomfortable. The only thing I can do without is to do nothing, meditate and talk to people.

The only input I can give is that I feel the same and tosent you love and light for your healing!!!

[Martin Brofman]

I am sure you can find your way out of a room without your glasses, and find the food in your plate, and talking to people sounds like a good thing.

I remember one student who went from -16 to -12 and was riding his bicycle without glasses. His vision was better even when he put on his glasses, so he could for the first time in his life see a bird.

The process is a personal journey, an adventure of self-discovery - if you are up for it.

[queen8]

Thank you, Maiwa and Martin! This is valuable for me, it helps me to see my own situation more clearly. I suddenly saw the connection between the feeling I have when not wearing my glasses and a feeling I find problematic in other cases: that I'm not "presentable" (I can't be introduced to people). In some cases I understand it: if I cry and grieve, it's hard to "be presentable" in a social setting. I think I have some old "stuck" experiences of this. There's also the feeling of not fitting in, but it's not so much about me as about my feelings. Maybe it's not so much about crying, but also about being angry and not finding a way to let it out without being scolded.

What's the opposite of this? That is, what is the feeling I have when healed? "There's room for me and my feelings", "my feelings are appropriate and to be trusted"... I started to write "I have the right to express myself", but the problem is what my expression does to others. This is a pattern from when I was a child and my mother told me that what I cried for, was not to be cried for. But the opposite of "not presentable" may be "I'm pure" or "I'm beautiful" or even "I'm worth looking at". Hm, I think I'll try the "I'm worth looking at" to encourage going from hiding to glowing.

Best wishes on YOUR journey, Maiwa.
And thank you, MArtin, for the words about this being an adventure of self-discovery. Makes it easier to accept that it takes some time and to enjoy the journey as it goes along!

[Martin Brofman]

> This is a pattern from when I was a child and my mother told me that what I cried for, was not to be cried for.

She might have said this if she perceived that you were crying "for effect," to get something, rather than because of something warranting crying about. You have to ask yourself if the crying was a ploy to get others to do what you want, rather than a genuine expression of pain.

Here we have to get beyond justifying our actions and asking whether or not they work for us - and if they do not, as a practical issue, to do something different.

[maiwa]

Thanks for the example of the student, Martin!
Thanks for the wishes Queen8! Same to you!

[queen8]

"She might have said this if she perceived that you were crying "for effect," to get something, rather than because of something warranting crying about. You have to ask yourself if the crying was a ploy to get others to do what you want, rather than a genuine expression of pain."
I didn't cry "for effect", it was a genuine expression of pain, that my mother didn't see or understand. I need to trust my own eyes, my own vision, my own understanding: even if she said it wasn't worth crying for, she didn't know, but I did. I will no longer perceive her "judgement" as right, as an authority who knows what is right for me. She's free not to comfort me (if it had happened today), but I'm also free to continue searching for someone who will understand.

I agree, I need to find out what works practically!

It worked today to insist on "glowing" and being visible One more step in the right direction. This is the first time I see and am happy with myself for making progress on this field!

[Martin Brofman]

Good for you.