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Post by Martin Brofman on Jun 11, 2012 7:29:47 GMT 1
Relaxation techniques can work for you - though after relaxing, you have to let go of the old perspective and adopt at least a "wait and see" attitude, rather than the fear.
Leave a door open for positive possibilities.
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Post by sojourner on Jun 17, 2012 3:38:20 GMT 1
Just a quick note that might be of interest. (This board has become rather like a journal for me. ) Please don't feel pressured to reply if you are not in the mood.
I am quite paranoid about my vision now. Noticing each little thing in either eye. I had a dream last night in which there was a leak in the roof, and mold growing in multiple places. My mother was there and said that she had discovered a "lost" account from long ago that she had decided to give me for something fun, but now it would have to go for roof repairs.
I (in dream) said, "I am so sick of this constant stream of bad luck/crap," and started hitting my head against the wall, then hitting the sides of my head with my hands.
When I woke up I had my first optical migraine ever. (My mother/sister/brother all have them.) It was visible in both eyes and lasted about 5 minutes after I woke up.
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Post by sojourner on Jun 19, 2012 0:50:10 GMT 1
So in the interests of "letting in father's love" and related healing issues, I did a long attempt at dialogue/forgiveness for Father's Day. (Imaginary, of course, since he's dead.) After this I had a dream wherein there were a group of men in a meeting room. The majority of the group, mild-mannered and nicely dressed, looked tired and had just declared a truce whereupon a smaller cadre of somewhat unkempt loudmouths spoke up about how disappointed they were that hostilities were ending because they were looking forward to kicking the other guys' butts. One guy in particular, fat, slovenly, and with bad teeth, enjoyed detailing the damage he could do. I could barely understand what the guy was saying through his Irish accent.
At that point I went into another room and imagined (in the dream) absolutely destroying any guy who should attack me in this war - it was a huge burst of energy, but I no longer had the reserves and it was very depleting. I was not imagining fighting the loudmouth, but rather imagining how I would mimicking his reaction should I need to.
I had no felt in any way hostile when I went to sleep, but if my dreams are so continually full of these kinds of emotions, it's no wonder I wake up depleted. I'm not sure how to deal with it when I do my best consciously and then my nocturnal imaginings are still so turbulent.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jun 19, 2012 10:16:55 GMT 1
Sounds like stuff still going on about men in general, and imagining them as hostile and threatening.
See what you can do about deciding that from now on, it doesn't have to be like that, regardless of how it looked in the past - that even though there are all kinds of men in the world, from now on you will attract only the harmonious vibration, and just not engage any other energies.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jul 10, 2012 16:41:51 GMT 1
Well, Rage and misery are not the same as being centered and clear - and it seems as though much of that has to do with you relationship with authority in school - and I would personally wonder about the path you are on and whether it represnts doing what you enjoy and getting paid for it. If it is insecurity and fear keeping you there, that is something wer can relate to the myopia.
Seems like the myopia got worse when you were in College. Something to look at there, in terms of what you were studying and how that reflected your own chosed professional path.
Also - if you are not showing the intensity of the emotions that have been going on inside you, that would also fit the profile of myopia - hiding inside and not letting others see the real you.
What you describe as flashing spots might be what we call "floaters" - related to issues of control. Controlling yourself excessively - and that seems to fit the profile, as you have described yourself.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jul 11, 2012 16:32:00 GMT 1
Doing what I can to simplify things so that we can handle them directly, and see them healed.
We are not therapists here, and we prefer to work directly rather than discussing things endlessly..
It seems to me that if you have all this resentment about taking these classes leading to a particular profession, it is hard to understand how you would be happy in that profession.
It also seems that what is keeping you in this direction is fear and insecurity that otherwise you would not find something to do that could support you - and that is something we can relate to the myopia. It's as if you have been saying to yourself, "I am afraid I would not be able to earn a living unless I do this thing I feel very strongly against" - and that would explain the rage.
I simply provide the view from here - and it is you who can decide whether it talks to you.
You had posted, "Apparently the anger in my system is just endless. Funny, you'd probably never know it to meet me casually. I'm either light-hearted, kind, twinkly eyed - or avoidant. (Neither of these characteristics are dishonest.) You'd have to know me quite well to know the endless pit of anger that lies underneath. About the only clue is a certain intensity and edge that doesn't seem to fit with my persona, but usually comes across online."
That tells a story of hiding inside - associated with myopia - and controlling yourself - controlling those strong emotions - that we associated with the visual experience we call "floaters."
True, none of what have described is "dishonest" - unless you acknowledge that to consciously not be yourself is a kind of dishonesty, though not a crime.
Healing is what we associate with fully being yourself, doing what works best for you. If you have physical symptoms, what you have been doing has not been working for you and rather than continuing to defend that way of being, it makes more sense to let go of it and do something different.
Return to who you really are. Do what you really want to do, and do not do what you really do not want to do - and trust that.
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Post by sojourner on Jul 12, 2012 18:48:35 GMT 1
Okay thanks for reply.
I see the point you are making and yes, it does seem like magical thinking to ignore the economic realities. A decade ago I just had to 'trust in myself" because the economy supported most people in ways they found appealing, but now I have to trust that the entire economy will change just to allow me to "be myself" when I see absolutely no evidence of that anywhere for anyone. I do not know anyone who hasn't had to make adjustments even people doing quite well at what they loved.
I did not mean to abuse your board and won't post anymore.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jul 13, 2012 7:23:12 GMT 1
The economy and the system might not change - only your beliefs do when you decide.
In 1978 I left my job on Wall Street to commit myself to just do what I really love to do, insisting to myself that the Universe would support me in that decision - and it has. I have never regretted that decision, and now I do what I love and get paid for it - even in this economy.
It requires a leap of faith - when/if you are ready for that.
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