Skin necrosis in breast cancer patient

[dover]

Hello. I am grateful to have discovered the BMS and to be working through the books! A few years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer (right breast, right handed) that had metastasized to nodes under my arm and around my collar bone. About 8 months before I found the lump at the top of my breast, I had a painful falling out with my father. At the time, it seemed easier to stop talking to him than to explain how he had hurt me (and my sibling). I can recall feeling anger, hurt and despair and that this was a turning point in our relationship that we would probably never come back from. 

If I understand the BMS correctly, this unresolved conflict could have lead to the breast cancer. Is that correct?  Is there any significance to the location of the tumor mass (at 12:00) and the lymph nodes (underarm and collar bone) ? I wish I had learned about the BMS sooner, while I was actively going through diagnosis and treatment, instead of working backwards now. Thank you!

[dover]

I also wanted to ask what the symptom of skin necrosis means? I bought "The Inner Cause" and noticed it's not covered there.

[Philippe Hannetelle]

If I understand the BMS correctly, this unresolved conflict could have lead to the breast cancer. Is that correct?

Yes, as described in "The inner cause", the symptom on the physical level reflect tension in your consciousness about something happening in your life at the time the symptom began - tension in a situation with someone close to your heart - your father. and with cancer, it´s always something suppressed. The location of the cancer shows what was suppressed.

Related to throatchakra, armpits and collar bone would be something about keeping yourself from going for what you want, with suppressed anger.

this was a turning point in our relationship that we would probably never come back from.

Tension with your father: it´s important to let again the love of your father coming in and to feel nourished by his love, otherwise you keep tensions in the crown chakra.

Where is the location of the skin necrosis?

[dover]

Hi Philippe,

Thank you for your feedback. The necrosis occurred on the right breast. It was the final complication after a series of infections that started with cellulitis on the breast skin and later progressed to two bacterial infections in the breast and three painful surgeries. It's interesting, during the first infection, a large blister appeared on the breast but didn't break open. The area seemed to heal and the blister and cellulitis went away.

It was during the first infection that I spoke openly with my father and earnestly tried to resolve our issues. It was a breakthrough! Rarely have I felt so seen and validated. I was clear about my needs and we both understood not only how to move past the conflict, but what had gone wrong and therefore, how to do things differently going forward. Unfortunately when I followed up with him (as we had planned) he changed. He denied what happened and explained he wouldn't be following through with what we had discussed and agreed. It was devastating. I honestly thought going through cancer would be the hardest thing I'd ever do in my life BUT can now say, going through this heartbreaking experience with him and the complications in tandem, was much harder. It was during the first infection, after this revelation with my dad, I decided it would probably be best for me to stop having a relationship with him. And, interestingly enough, I got better. The symptoms went away... though 6 months later the infection came back and was much worse.

I can certainly get into the specifics here and what I think brought on each subsequent infection (and necrosis) in another message. But I wonder if you could you comment on the above? Or, should I keep going? I realize "The Inner Cause" has an explanation for 'blisters' representing anger, which definitely fits. I believe my father is deeply troubled and that his behaviour towards me to be unpredictable and confusing. Gaslighting is a normal occurrence. You mention in your response "it's important to let again the love of your father coming in and to feel nourished by his love, otherwise keep tensions in the crown chakra" but what if my father's behaviour is abusive? What if loving him and trying to maintain a relationship means subverting my needs? What of crown chakra tensions, then?

Thank you.
-D

[Philippe Hannetelle]

The skin is related to the solar plexus chakra and if it was affecting the breast, it´s a solar plexus energy at the level of the heart chakra, so anger/rage and because necrosis is a phenomenon that leads to the accelerated death of tissues, we look at strong tensions in your heart chakra at that time, not feeling loved, and with the right breast, something in the relationship different from what you wanted.

When you decided to stop having a relationship with him, it looks like some tensions were released from your consciousness and you got better. But which kind of situation were you experiencing when the infection came back 6 months later?

When you were talking together and there was this breakthrough, you could feel the contact with him. I know it might not be so easy, but just love him, and know that behind all the theater, he loves you as well, and will no doubt come around to clarity. Think of the times when you knew he loves you, know that is the truth and see how you feel about allowing in the love from your dad, and see the effect of that in shifting your perceptions. Loving him will make it easier for him to return to a loving space. Love is always there even if we don´t like the expression. Each of us we have a way to express our love and if another person doesn´t like the expression, they keep a distance. With your father, let go of his expression and connect with the love behind it and see the effects of doing that. You don´t need to see him to do it, you can go inside you and feel the love coming from him.

When someone has a sense of separation from their father, they close the crown chakra, and the effect of that is a sense of isolation - feeling like they are in a shell, with difficulty making contact with those outside the shell, and difficulty on the part of those outside to reach in and make contact. Thus, they do not feel the love around them and can easily make decisions as to why that is - for example, "I am not deserving of love - or success."

It could be a good idea to read the chapter of Anything can be healed (Love heals), talking about Love radar, and send love to your father and see the effects. Also meditating on the Acceptance symbol

[dover]

Hi Philippe,

Thank you for the thoughtful message. I'll definitely read that chapter and try to implement. I don't think it will be easy... but it's nice to know I don't have to see him to do it! If I can practice loving him at a distance, then I can do it in a way that honors and respects my needs. You mention anger, not feeling loved and something in the relationship being different from what I wanted. All of that is true. Though I would say it's not "something" but more like every aspect of our relationship that falls short from what I want. It seems like it's impossible not to be set up for disappointment.

The second infection started a few weeks after I saw my father at a multiday event I attended to support a relative. Initially everyone understood he wasn't coming but he surprised us by electing to come at the last minute. It was a difficult experience for me mentally and emotionally to be around him and it brought everything back. It was interesting... but my body felt sick whenever he came near me, almost like I was going to vomit, and I needed to physically move away from his vicinity to make the feeling stop. I've never experienced anything like it before. Apart from him greeting me as if everything was fine between us, we didn't talk. I began feeling really tired after that trip and was in the hospital with infection #2 about a month later. The blister had shown up again but had popped this time and that triggered my first emergency surgery.

Can you help me understand this? Is there any relevance to the 'feeling like I was sick whenever he came close to me' situation?

Thanks - D

[Philippe Hannetelle]

First, you could change the way you talk to yoursel in relation with a goal. Your goal is to feel the love of your father and feel it coming inside and feel nourished by it. When you say "try to implement", you don´t want to try, you want to do, that´s different. and if you say "I don´t think it will be easy", you project already a future with resistances. You should recognize that in the present moment it´s difficult, that´s the starting point, and you should talk to yourself differently about the future - Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better and it´s easier to feel the contact and love from my father - Ask yourself if it´s the same as before, one day before, one week before... and even if it´s only a bit different, recognize the progress and encourage the perception you are moving towards your goal.

About the experience when you met him at this event, if you felt like vomiting, it is a release of tension about letting go of control, or a sense of things going out of control, and feeling tired represents tensions in the root chakra, in this case I would say something about trust, and feeling "tired of" this situation.