I also have a fear of confrontation. So far, for me personally, I've found that the fear is about upsetting the other person(s) and me getting punished for it somehow.
An early memory came to me yesterday of me getting whipped with a hickory by my grandfather and my granny stepping in to get him off of me. The thing is I don't even know what it was that made him so mad at me.
Actually, now that I think about it, I didn't MAKE him be angry. He CHOSE to be angry at me.
I found something else out yesterday too. My older brother and I both got blurry vision at around the same time. When I heard that I started thinking about what was happening to BOTH of us at that time.
I remember that when I was little I would throw things at him, or just physically hurt him in general, and get away with it because he was bigger than me and someone would always step in and protect me. I can understand now why he was so angry all the time. According to what he's said I used to hit him in the face with books and hammers and other stuff. I was a mean little bastard! LoL
I was never shown the concept of treating others the way I want to be treated. Whenever I hit him or someone else, some person would always step in and prevent him(or whoever) from hitting me back.
From then on my brother would be angry at me just because. No matter what I did he would be hostile towards me. He was way bigger than me too, so naturally I was afraid of him.
Something else happened around that time also. I was at my cousin's house lyin on a couch, and she jumped on me or started tickling me or somethin and I pushed her off of me. She landed on the floor and apparently it hurt and she started crying. I then tried to run away. I remember I got pretty far down the street before my mother came after me, or maybe I just went back. I dunno.
Anyways, I guess the point of that situation is that I could have handled hearing and seeing her cry better that running away. I was probably afraid of what her parents or my mom would say or do. I don't think it was any of their business anyways though.
I'm learning a lot about myself here
Now that I've travelled all the way back to that memory I can see that what I was running away from was my perception of her pain and me getting punished in some way for it.
So therefore, the issue that REALLY needs facing for me here is this idea of punishment. Did my cousin deserve physical "punishment" for whatever she did to me? Did she do anything "wrong"? The truth is that she did something that didn't feel "good" to me in some way. The worst she could've done is kill my physical body. And I seriously doubt that she wanted to do that.
So why would anyone be afraid of physical death unless they thought it was the end of their existence or that they were facing some kind of "punishment" afterwards? Because of a misinterpretation of authority. It's this idea of right and wrong. But now it's my belief that right and wrong can't exist without rules(morals).
If you're like me you've been taught to obey the ten commandments(rules) of the bible.....OR ELSE!!! Did I say bible.....I meant "holy" bible. LoL It's just a book. Just paper and ink. Maybe it's even leather-bound.
Ok let's see here. The book itself was made from trees, dye, and maybe a dead cow. Why exactly is that "holy"? Oh that's right, because supposedly it's the "word of God." Umm, no.
If it was written by this god, then why would he refer to himself in the third person? So who is this mystery person who was there throughout, or somehow knew about, all these so-called true events in the old testament?
What do we even know about this god in the first place? He supposedly created the universe and all the animals and insects of the world. Then he supposedly put together a male body from physical matter and gave it "the breath of life." Then he supposedly created another body from the male's body just so the male could have a companion, as if the female isn't as important as the male.
Then he supposedly told them not to eat from two trees, which he obviously had to create in the first place. Then when they did supposedly eat from it they were punished for it. So they were punished for attaining knowledge of "good" and "evil."
But it never said what "evil" really is in the first place. Except for maybe the snake that supposedly told them to do what they were told not to do.
It's very confusing. Why? Because it's fear-based. Why would this god want to control what we know or do? THAT'S the question!
So apparently there's more to blurry vision than I thought.
Maybe your fear of confrontation has ties with your beliefs of authority and this notion of "right" and "wrong" too, Alice. Mine obviously does.
Just somethin to think about.