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Post by Angeleyes on Mar 1, 2005 20:10:06 GMT 1
Hello Martin, Today I had my eyes tested. I've finally plucked up the courage to let the contact lenses go and be seen out in thick glasses while I work on my eyesight. The right eye is - 10. The left eye is -11. I have a pain down the left side at the back of my neck all day. I feel very vunerable and sad which I recall happening every time I got my eyes tested for glasses. I first was diagnosed as needing glasses at age 8 although my eyesight had been deteriorating for the year before. At that time my mum was diagnosed with cancer. I had my tonsils out at age 7 and I have recalled sexual abuse at that time. In my healing in the past 6 years I have been acknowledging and feeling the suppressed and unexpressed feelings of this part of my life. At 13 I began wearing contact lenses til now. I am 34. Is there anything else I can do to help regain 20/20 vision?
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Post by Martin Brofman on Mar 2, 2005 13:34:38 GMT 1
Recognize that the vulnerable and sad feelings are those you felt when you began to need the glasses - and which you have been "wearing" in your consciousness since them. You can choose to acknowledge what the feelings were about at that time, and see what that does in terms of releasing them.
I don't know what you mean by "sexual abuse" at age 7 - nor by whom - but you can check to see how you felt about all that at the time, and whether those sensitivities are still with you - if you found yourself afraid to tell anyone about that. Ask yourself if you have strong sensitivities at this time in terms of your sexuality.
I would say that the story with your mother is a strong one, and that could easily account for the emotions you describe.
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Post by Angeleyes on Mar 3, 2005 15:23:19 GMT 1
Thanks. I can identify feeling sad and vunerable when I began to need glasses, I'm acknowledging this and releasing it. The abuse was from a man who came to our home occassionally. I remember when he looked at me I could still feel as if he was touching me although I think he touched me on only one occasion. I remember withdrawing to walking around the room as near to the walls as possible to keep away from him, and consciously wishing that he couldn't see me as I felt he was looking right through me. I remember wanting to not be able to see him thinking that this would mean then he couldn't see me and I couldn't "see" why my mum didn't "see" what he was like. I do still have sensitivities around my sexuality. I listen to your chakra CD. Is there anything else I can do. I also notice since resolving to work on my eyesight a lot has come up from my past to do with my mum's family and for me discovering that I had expectations of them that they didn't fulfill. Thanks for your insight, it opens a whole new dimension for me.
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maz
Junior Member
Posts: 29
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Post by maz on Mar 4, 2005 12:12:24 GMT 1
alice, i just read this thread and wanted to say well done for opening up to so much - i find it wonderful that you are managing to go through this healing and want to congratulate you. good luck and keep on healing!!
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Post by Martin Brofman on Mar 5, 2005 19:30:50 GMT 1
Sensitivities about your sexuality could be relevent - though it sounds as though nothing really happened - but rather, you felt you had to withdraw inside and make yourself invisible - and that fits the profile - but it's the story with your mother sounds even stronger - knowing that your mother was diagnosed with cancer would - I imagine - bring up a lot of fear.
I would say to just keep working as you have been, knowing that issues are coming to the serface - and continue meditating. I would recommend using something that quiets you down - for example, the CD called, "Stay in the White Light, and Dream," though you should know that another of my CD's is specifically for improving eyesight, and the affirmations and visualizations are specific for that, and uses the same kind of progressive relaxation through the body to create a state of inner relaxation and peace, and constantly reminds you of the improvement process.
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Post by A on Mar 7, 2005 17:18:26 GMT 1
Thank you. I already have the "improve your vision" and "Healing vibrations" cds. Today was the first day I wore my glasses to work. I feel very vunerable. I got my glasses on Friday. At weekend in a pub a male relative of my husbands made three references to his wife that she would never be able to do 3 different things the way I could. I pointed out to her that she had in the past and I didn't actually accomplish all of this on my own. He has made sexual advances towards me years ago and his wife knows. I had thought I had made it very plain 9 years ago I was not interested, but both my husband and I felt this man has made it very plain he thinks I am worth worshipping. His wife was not amused. I recall again the feelings of not wanting to be noticed. I also feel vunerable. Today I came home from work and an employee from the business next door to my home drove into my street after me. He gave me an excuse that he had come to collect sheep I had rung and complained to his employer about them being in my garden. I had made no phone call and said so. I told him to try one of the other neighbours. 9 years ago this man arrived at my home within a few weeks of the other incident I have mentioned and made it plain by his speech and leering that he was sexually available and insuated that I was. Today he tried hard to prolong the conversation, I restated that I had made no phone call and suggested he try the other neighbours. I have in the past and today been afraid of this man. Appart from these 2 men, I don't have a problem being sure of myself around others. I rang the man's employer and said he'd called. She didn't know of any phone call from anyone about sheep having broken into their garden but would ask him about it. I have heard from another source in the last year that this man has served a prison sentence for rape in the intervening years from when I first met him until now. I feel very vunerable when he looks at me or speaks to me and I don't know how to handle it that he won't be near me as his employer owns 2 thirds of my driveway. I also am reeling from the fact that as soon as I start looking at my eyesight all this stuff should come up again. I thought I had done so much work on my boundaries and my sexuality along with other personal development that this would be a thing of the past. Any ideas on how I handle this.
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Post by Angeleyes on Mar 7, 2005 17:28:58 GMT 1
Sorry My last post was entered as A as I had forgotten to logon. You mentioned about my mum having cancer bringing up a lot of fear. My mum didn't ever tell me she had cancer. I heard her tell someone else she was giving up a committee post because she had cancer a few months before she died. I do realise I have still picked up on the fear and sadness and I knew she had health problems as I was aware she went into hospital to get fluid removed from her lungs. But I was never told that she had both her breasts removed on seperate occasions. She spent most of her last 2 years in hospital for 3 or 6 weeks at a time, and in our house it was treated as some kind of normality that every other day I went to the hospital when she was in the local hospital (there were 8 of us, so we couldn't all go in together) and when she was at the Cancer hospital she phoned home every evening and I saw her maybe every other weekend. I see now that I didn't see her that much at all. Thank you. I feel a lot of sadness about this and a lot of fear about my last post on the sexual fears. I am scared that the only way to regain my eyesight is to deal with these memories and these people. Your work is amazing.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Mar 7, 2005 20:23:43 GMT 1
Hi, Alice,
Sounds like with the attention you're getting, at least you have the feedback that you're desireable. Next step is feeling that it's okay for them to want (after all, what they do in their own head is their own business), and that it's also okay for you to not want - so you own your power and do not need to feel vulnerable simply because someone finds you attractive.
You asserted yourself, and made your feelings known, and they were respected - and since you're no longer a little girl, that's the way it must be.
Concerning your mom, I would say that seeing your mother in the hospital so much, you must have known something was wrong - even if no one spoke about it, and perhaps you had to hold in a lot and not say anything.
Things are coming up for you to understand, and to see in another way than before - so that you are not reactive in your consciousness, and do not need to continue to look at the world through the emotional perceptual filter of fear.
You're doing good. You're a brave woman to have your Spirit present things to you in this way. It wouldn't be happening this way unless you had the equipment to handle it.
We work with the idea that you are never presented with a healing that you are not equipped to do - and in this case, it's your own healing.
Trust your trip.
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Post by Angeleyes on Dec 6, 2005 17:31:47 GMT 1
I think the new message board for vision is a great idea. Today I realised that although I keep a journal on my eyesight and what I see and feel, I don't actually do anything and a lot of the same issues that were in my day to day life when I started this post are still there. I liked the post that said about seeing the world through my own eyes, not anyone elses's. It struck home. I realised that I have been using viewing the world through others eyes, including the glasses or eyes provided for me by someone else as a way of not taking responsibility for my own life and fixing or changing what I don't like. If I've been so busy in the middle of anothers viewpoint or drama then there's no time left for my view or clearing my life. I've put eye exercises on hold until this is done or that is done and if I'd just got on with it and taken responsibility for making things work or change in my life it would be done by now and my eyesight would have been clear by now. So I've done the exercises and made a list of things I see which need to be sorted out, millions of small things, so they're do-able, one at a time. I took off my glasses and put them in the car, but had to put them on again to find a birthday present I'd put away. They're going back to the car now so bye.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Dec 7, 2005 10:27:06 GMT 1
Put them on when you need them, and take them off when you do not - and when/if you put them on, if they hurt your eyes, that's a signal that they are already too strong. Get another eye examination to see the degree of improvement.
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