Fear of connecting/seeing

[Autumn]

I have been doing some eye exercies - and have recently realized that I rarely look at other people directly in the face, or in their eyes when I am talking to them. I tend to look at them out of focus or around just past their head, kinda like taking in the whole picture all at once, rather than focusing in directly at one point.

I realized that I developed this probably in my late teens, i used to be an excessively shy person, who had difficulty in talking to people, and I think I developed this way of 'seeing" as a way to appear that I am looking at them and it made me feel "safer" and more confident.

I am making a conscious effort to redirect my point of focus, more into other people's eyes, but often find the feelings of anxiety / uncomfortableness bubbling up.
I've known for some time that i have a lot of fear, vulnerability / safety issues and really i don't know how to overcome these feelings.

I know where some of those feelings started - when I was a child, my parents fought alot and I often felt very scared (and angry). I also grew up with being told that the world was an evil place and other people who weren't a part of our religious organisation were the wicked ones
( I don't belong to that organisation now that i am an adult & and don't believe these statements for myself consciously, ...but the feelings of fear were imprinted on me at a very young age).

Any suggestions / help in dealing with feelings of anxiety and fear.. and learning to reconnect with the world I live in.

Many thanks

[Martin Brofman]

It may be just a fear of being visible - of letting others see YOU. You can decide to let yourself be visible.

If it has been a fear of being judged, decide that it's okay if others want to judge you - everyone is intitled to their own opinion. You are free to be you, and others are free to feel about it as they choose..

[autumn]

Thank you Martin.

I value your input, your intuitive abilities are excellent, ......so i shall look at that more deeply...."my not wanting to be seen by others"

I do always want to be seen / acknowledged to be doing the right thing / and excelling at everything....
to the point where I get really stressed about things.... unhealthy way to live really..

I feel quite panicky about other people feeling/thinking bad of me in any way.... even just thinking about this is making me feel physically uncomfortable!!!

Okay, I think we are onto something here...

Thanks!