maiwa
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Post by maiwa on Aug 11, 2008 10:09:16 GMT 1
I was so inspired reading about your journeys so I started mine yesterday (although the actual start is years ago, but yesterday was a new start ... ) I started the program with reading in Martin´s book. Main topic yesterday was to own my power. I identified some areas I have to change where I gave my power away. In the morning I didn´t wear glasses (about -10, both eyes). First I enjoyed it, I was in my bubble, I felt safe and sheltered. After a time a lot of anger came up because I didnt see "nothing", everything blurry. So I had a dialogue with myself:"You can enjoy what you see." "What is there to enjoy if I can´t do nothing? I can´t work on the computer, I can´t go outside." "Enjoy what is." Another thing I realised is that I have a lot of distance towards others simply because I don´t see them. In the evening I did visualisations. I imagined myself with having clear eye-sight. I felt asleep doing that... I keep working on the visualisations. It releases tensions in my body and I feel much better. In the morning I woke up with the feeling: NOW IS THE TIME! Stop hiding, stop running away, drop all the negative thoughts! I realised that I lack discipline in owning my thoughts - they are running wild! And I feel tensions in the solarplexus if I am stuck in negative thinking. So for today I work on that.
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maiwa
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Post by maiwa on Aug 11, 2008 13:48:24 GMT 1
Seeing blurry is different today. I did some stuff and it felt ok. Important insight: I see blurry but I am not blurry... Emotions were changing throughout the hours. At the beginning I felt very powerful, inbetween lost and sad and now I am just exhausted. I was outside and I felt scared but also realised: No need to feel scared. It´s your life, your way, the way you always walk to the supermarket. Then I felt better. I could read the signs on the car, the rest was blurry but the capitals and numbers clear. I wish someone would develop some "intelligent glasses", some which automatically adapt... It is always difficult to wear glasses afterwards. I know it is a good sign. But changing glasses is expensive and I feel if my eyes are changing all the time there won´t be any glasses which really fit. So I don´t know what to do. I can´t be without glasses the hole day. And still there are too many things I can´t do without glasses.
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maiwa
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Post by maiwa on Aug 12, 2008 9:49:35 GMT 1
Started the morning with the "love your eyes" exercise. It felt like talking to my parents. I am not that much surprised because I think the cause for the nearsightedness is connected to them. It felt good to do this exercise. I could see myself.
I read one chapter and the affirmations. I had some ideas to think about today.
I feel more comfortable with my thoughts, Feel that I have more discipline and I am positive.
Beeing with this blurry vision is still connected with a lot of emotions. Positive: I feel that my hole body relaxes. Negative/uncomfortable: I feel slightly angry and frustrated. I know I can choose my feeling as well. Maybe I could be a bit more like an explorer: What is possible? I did the washing-up without glasses. And now I am typing without glasses... (but this is a bot exhausting for my hole body because my face is about 15 cm far from the monitor...) Still I am looking for solutions how I can relax my eyes during the day and what to do with the changings from wearing no glasses to wear glasses. This changing feels very uncomfortable.
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maiwa
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Post by maiwa on Aug 13, 2008 11:03:07 GMT 1
My eye-sight is definetely changing, especially the left eye. I check the distance I need to read a book. So this morning it is more than yesterday. Inbetween there are seconds where I see some details clearer than before. I am not sure yet what happens in my consciousness. I guess it happens when I feel close to my power.
The "love your eyes" exercise is very helpful. I relised that there is always a deeper level of love and forgiveness. I thought I had forgiven my parents, and intellectually I have but emotionally I am still the little child... Need to help this part to forgive them.
I work on it to visualize myself having clear eye-sight. I can keep this vision for some seconds in my consciousness and then I am tired.
My affirmations for the day:
I love when I see clearly. Today I choose to see the love. I see that everything is working perfectly.
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maiwa
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Post by maiwa on Aug 14, 2008 11:58:22 GMT 1
I am still encouraged seeing that my eyesight is changing.
I like the affirmations and reading the chapters.
I love the moments I feel my power.
Questions:
On a physical level - after some hours - it is very uncomfortable beeing without glasses. It is like beeing used to a car before and now I have to walk 100 km. Shall I simply be more relaxed? Being convinced that my eyesight definetly changes independent on how often I wear glasses?
Got an answer during the day: I can just follow my intuition to wear glasses if necessary or not to wear them. Simple. Won´t stop the healing process (as I feared somehow...) . It is just temporary until I have clear eyesight. Healing happens already.
"I see that everything is working perfectly." I struggled with this affirmation yesterday. There are moments in my life where I can´t see that it is perfect! Or that it is a positive reality. My father wasn´t really able to take care of me. He was lost in his own life, too much worries that kept him away from the familiy. I didn´t have a positive and strong relationship with him. Where is the positive reality in this?
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maiwa
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Post by maiwa on Aug 15, 2008 10:01:10 GMT 1
;D I love this process! Since I know that it won´t stop my healingprocess if I wear glasses when necesary I am very relaxed. In the morning my eyesight is still changing and I have seconds of better vision than before.
Reading the chapters now is completely different compared to the time years ago. I already have changed in many areas and I am so happy about it!
What is left to do is:
Keep on working with the visualizations. Beeing really able to see myself with clear vison. I want to improve the relationship with myself. During reading one chapter I found out that I still punish myself for things I did in the past. And I am used to put myself under pressure. Decided to let this go. I still feel resistance with others. Don´t know yet why.
My affirmation for the day: I love to see clearly!
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maiwa
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Post by maiwa on Aug 16, 2008 11:31:52 GMT 1
Still every morning I recognise that my eyesight changes. Yesterday I had seconds of clear visons where I could see a car at a distance about four or five metres - cool!
I also realize the areas I haven´t changed yet. It is mainly about feelings during my childhood. That was the time I started to wear glasses. I know what I felt as a child and I know that I can change it now. Loving and accepting the child I was, knowing tht it was my choice at that time and the best choice I saw I could make. I know it is not appropriate anymore - but what can I do instead? This is the question for today. Being real is the most important thing.
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maiwa
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Post by maiwa on Aug 17, 2008 18:06:31 GMT 1
I am more used to the blurry eyesight, sometimes I feel ok with it. Sometimes it is scary. I train to be in control of my emotions: to let the fear go, to always feel the choice whether or how I express my emotions.
The "speak to yourself" chapter is very helpful. I talk to myself with more love and put myself less under pressure.
It is good to write about this vision journey - it always reminds me that the flashes of clearer vision really happens.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Aug 20, 2008 6:07:46 GMT 1
Really nice to read about your progress, and I am sure your journal is helping others.
Going without your glasses will be easier if you are not trying to see, but just letting yourself be in the blurry world - and then you are not adding tensions in your consciousness about not seeing clearly, and then that improves your sight.
When you do not need your glasses to do what you are doing, it is good to leave them off. If you need them to function, you can put them on for that, and then take them off again.
If you really do not need them to function, it is much better to not put them on just to feel more comfortable. You are in the process of releasing your dependency on your glasses.
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maiwa
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Post by maiwa on Aug 20, 2008 16:05:13 GMT 1
Thanks, Martin!
Haven´t written the last days. I start to work again after having holidays so I have to find another rhythm.
I found out that I feel like I am in control if I wear glasses. It is easier without glasses if the weather is fine. It changed the last days from sun to grey days with rain and it seems it influences my inner strength. I am more sensitive now (before I didn´t care so much about weather, it didn´t influence my eyesight!) without glasses:
Sometimes it is really difficult because of the emotions coming up: helplessness especially. Maybe because physically I am definetely more helpless. But I also realized: If am centered it is less, and as I wrote before, I can also enjoy it.
The difference of how I function with or without glasses is enormous. Sometimes it disturbs me so much that I can´t put them off. If I read without glasses the book is about 10cm far... if I do the washing up I feel what I do but I don´t really see what I do etc. But within the last day I also experienced moments where it was possible. I´ll remind that. It is a matter of my consciousness.
Today after the "Love your eyes" exercise I was able to talk to my eyes (not to my parents or whatever I thought I saw in the mirror before).
I struggle with emotional independency. I want to understand that the feeling of security is right within me no matter what. I want to understand that there will always be people who care for me and that the universe takes care of me. I want to know that the universe won´t drop me. I am scared of being left alone. Intelectually i know I don´t have to but emotionally... need to work on it. I want to enjoy love and being loved - no matter what.
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Post by Angeleyes on Aug 20, 2008 16:05:20 GMT 1
Maiwa, Just wanted to say that your posting your progress on here is really helping me. It even reminded me when I'd lapsed back into wearing glasses longer than necessary. Martin wrote: "Going without your glasses will be easier if you are not trying to see, but just letting yourself be in the blurry world - and then you are not adding tensions in your consciousness about not seeing clearly, and then that improves your sight." That is so true. It helped me see that I haven't just let myself be in the blurry world, I've forced myself to see what I perceived myself as being unable to see, instead of just accepting the blurriness. I decide now to just accept what I see, whether its blurry or clear.
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maiwa
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Post by maiwa on Aug 20, 2008 16:09:45 GMT 1
Thanks so much Alice! It really helps me knowing it is helpful for you as well! So everything gets a deeper sense, a different meaning.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Aug 20, 2008 16:42:47 GMT 1
>>"I feel like I am in control if I wear glasses. "
...and if you would not be in control, but just accepting what is happening? Accepting what you do see? In all senses?
Accepting what is, is anyway the starting point to change something.
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maiwa
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Post by maiwa on Aug 21, 2008 20:51:29 GMT 1
Acceptance... I struggle with it. First reaction is resistance, anger and stubborness. I know the aspects I´ve changed in my life happened through acceptance. At the moment it feels like it would lead me into a dead end. I know everything is how it is at the moment whether I accept it or not. To accept that I live in this blurry world which keeps me away from seing the world and people around me, so blurry that I can´t even drive a car or a bike, so blurry that I can´t see the food at the table, the face of my neighbour or whoever... Ouch! This is so far far far away from what I want it to be that it is really difficult to accept. What is confusing me is that I start to question my identity. Am I a confused insecure person or am I a strong secure person, clear in mind? I look for an affirmation that could help me out. Another fear is: being this insecure person could affect others in a negative way, and I see that I want to be a helpful, strong person, which affects others in a positive way... I have an image in mind about myself that does not fit. Conflict between what is and what I want.
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maiwa
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Post by maiwa on Aug 21, 2008 22:27:42 GMT 1
Wanted to add my picture at the moment about acceptance: E.g.: Somebody beats me. Acceptance in this case means: I let it happen, I don´t resist, I don´t protect myself, I don´t run away.
That can´t be what is meant with acceptance. But I don´t see a clear picture. So resistance at the moment is something positive for me: I feel like I protect myself and don´t allow it to happen what I don´t want to happen (for example: living in a blurry world).
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