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Post by somethingtosay on Sept 13, 2007 20:45:55 GMT 1
When I was younger, I wholeheartedly believed that expressing myself honestly was good, always, and that if I did it, the result would be good. I have learned that this is not always the case. Now I'm much more careful about what I express and to whom. My belief has changed, because I learned the result wasn't always wonderful.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Sept 14, 2007 6:47:03 GMT 1
You can change that.
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Post by somethingtosay on Sept 14, 2007 21:14:35 GMT 1
I know that whenever I do something new, put myself out in the world in a new venture, something good always happens. But when I overtly am expressing a specific thought or feeling, it's not always good, as I said. How would I change this, then?
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Post by Martin Brofman on Sept 15, 2007 7:18:21 GMT 1
Change your belief. Decide that starting NOW, this is the way it is...
...and then look forward to seeing how that is, in fact, now true.
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Post by somethingtosay on Sept 15, 2007 21:14:51 GMT 1
I'm telling you that I did that, when I was younger, I completely believed that, and I found it wasn't true. Why then would it be true, now?
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Post by Martin Brofman on Sept 15, 2007 21:27:09 GMT 1
Well, if you don't do it now, you can be sure that nothing will change, and if you do it now, believing it, then perhaps something will change. Nothing to lose, only something to gain.
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Post by somethingtosay on Sept 15, 2007 22:29:16 GMT 1
I think I'll just continue to be discreet about what I say, and to whom.
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Post by spiritgirl on Sept 15, 2007 22:44:52 GMT 1
A slightly different perspective:
I think its the fear that we have that stops us from fulling expressing ourselves and this "vibration" of fear then attracts the negative consequences to us. So its not that we are expressing ourselves and getting bad feedback but rather its the fear that attracts the negative stuff.
And maybe lots of us have suppressed/repressed fear to some extent and we don't realize it but we are attracting the negative stuff to us because of this.
SG
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Post by somethingtosay on Sept 16, 2007 0:03:53 GMT 1
I agree that fear plays a part in anything negative. I'm saying I used to be completely FEARLESS in what I would express to other people and I truly believed that if I did this, the other person (or people) would understand that I was coming from the best possible intentions which I always was and still am. However, as I said, I've learned that you cannot expect other people to be as evolved as you might be and therefore they will take what you've said the wrong way, out of their own fear, mostly. What I do now is decide whether it's worth it to express a particular thing to a particular person and I take it from there. And I'm carefull HOW I say what I say, as well.
Charlies Grodin had a great line a few years ago; he said people are basically very fragile emotionally and mentally and we should treat everyone as if they just got out of an institution. A lot of wisdom there.
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Post by andrew on Sept 16, 2007 20:54:18 GMT 1
somethingtosay
>>And I'm carefull HOW I say what I say, as well.
>>Charlies Grodin had a great line a few years ago; he said people are basically very fragile emotionally and mentally and we should treat everyone as if they just got out of an institution.
If you really believe that to be true then i think you have swung far too far towards the point of being fearful before you are being wise.
Of course some people are overly sensitive but many are not. Why should you entirely change your way of being because some people are overly sensitive?
Better to be who you are and deal with the consequences than be different to please others with no idea of how they are going to receive you.
If you approach me as if i had just come out of a mental institution i would be annoyed with you to be honest. I would see that as an expression of your fear of me before it was your sensitivity to me.
Andrew
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Post by somethingtosay on Sept 16, 2007 21:43:58 GMT 1
This is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. What I wrote was not perceived the way I meant it. I have not swung too far in the other direction, I simply approach people and situations in a more gentle way. I have found it's more harmonious for all concerned if I do not inflict my ego on them. At some point, when attempting to communicate, it becomes perceived as an attack by the other person. I prefer not to do this.
As far as Grodin's statement goes, it's the same theory; he was saying that he was approaching interactions with other persons in a more gentle way.
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Post by somethingtosay on Sept 16, 2007 22:03:55 GMT 1
Let me be even clearer, perhaps. You wrote: "Of course some people are overly sensitive but many are not. Why should you entirely change your way of being because some people are overly sensitive?"
I approach every situation based on the person I'm dealing with. I can ascertain pretty accurately within a few seconds of interaction with someone how sensitive or fearful they are. I respond accordingly. I'm not changing who I am, but rather tempering my responses with intelligence and instinct. This works fantastically well and I find that my interactions with people are far more honest and satisfying, because I am taking THEIR level of receptiveness into consideration rather than just plowing ahead, irregardless. That's ego. Doesn't work.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Sept 17, 2007 6:33:40 GMT 1
Do whatever works for you.
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