Suppressing/Not Expressing

[spiritgirl]

HI Martin

I wanted to clarify the difference between suppressing and not expressing thoughts/feelings. What would be the difference between the two?

In your vision book you mention that for myopic people "the strong emotions of anger, fear, confusion etc are suppressed." And then also "the cancer was a metaphor for things held in and not expressed." .


Thank you
SG

[Maria]

My first thought with this is that when you "suppress" emotions they may be buried so deeply you aren't even fully aware they are there. On the other hand, when you don't "express" them you are aware but choose to hold them in.

Make sense?

Maria

[spiritgirl]

Hi Maria

This does make sense! But I wonder if we don't express stuff in the beginning - then do we tend to forget about it and it becomes suppressed? In other words, the unexpressed tends to become suppressed over time?

I remember expressing my anger when I was younger but I don't think I ever fully expressed my fears, mostly because the people around me were full of fear as well.

SG

[Martin Brofman]

Suppression is about emotions - they go into the background and are no longer noticed. Not expressing is like that also, but relates more to specifics of where the cancer is located, as in ovarian cancer representing something about sex or having children not being expressed, being held back, and cancer of the stomach something about anger or power issues being held in and not expressed. Seems to be a bit of overlap, but it makes sense to the person experiencing the symptoms.

[spiritgirl]

HI Martin,

So not expessing (for eg in cancer) is tied to something specific and suppression is more general? Does the cancer happen when the level of suppression is at the critical level?

What would be the best ways to express or not suppress? Would talking about it or writing in a diary help? Or just experience the emotions as they come up? Or try to find a more healthy perception?


Thank you
SG

[Martin Brofman]

Cancer begins when the person is facing a situation in their life that they find unacceptable, but see no way out of - and they do not want to face life with that situation in it. The location of the cancer shows what the issue was about.

With suppressed emotions, it is to acknowledge that they are there, and take some action to change the situation or the perceptions of the situation. We are talking here rather generally, but it helps if we look at a specific situation and how to resolve it.

[Queen]

Just some questions related to suppression, that came to my mind:
When feelings are suppressed and you start releasing them, wouldn't it then be normal to have feelings that you're used to hinking of as "harmful" or "evil" etc because you haven't had them for a long time?
Is it possible to release the feelings without feeling them?
And when starting to feel, would you also have to feel the hurt you may not have wanted to face whe the feeling was suppressed?
So maybe I'm actually asking if I'm limiting myself when I have suppressed feelings hurt me (that is, I feel the hurt, then it's gone)? I don't see them as dangerous any more, I dare to face the hurt, but it hurts.

E.g mother dies when you're four. The people around distract you and tell you "to have fun" to forget the sorrow. Years later you rediscover the sorrow. Do you think it is possible to "just release the sorrow" without feeling it?

[lovemusic]

Queen said:

Do you think it is possible to "just release the sorrow" without feeling it?

Hi, my guess is that when we release something without feeling it we are simply removing it, hiding it somewhere... it's hidden but still there... maybe we should feel thoroughly, go through the feeling completely (and accept it), before we can release it? (I think so..).

By the way folks, I wish I had an Oxford Dictionary (have'nt seen one in years!). To me "not expressing" is just holding inside something which needs to come out; and "suppressing" is more radical than that: It is getting rid of something for good... "killing it"... so if you're suppressing that's it; you don't seem to have a second chance to uncover the feeling, live through it and express it ("better late than never"!).

[Angeleyes]

Queen,
I don't know if this will clarify anything for you, but here goes
My mum died when I was 9, the day she died I heard my dad say "I wish God would take her because I don't think I can take much more", when she died, people said, "only the good die young" and "she's in a better place now".
I was shocked and disgusted with my dad for wishing her dead, as I thought, angry with God for taking her and so wanted to be with her in that better place. I had a lot of resentment growing up towards my dad for living and often thought of him as useless and how much better life would be if she had lived and he had died. I also resented the woman who came in to help get us up for school and did some housework for Dad when we were at school.
Years later I got healing and when the healer first said to me that I had a lot of anger towards my mum I couldn't understand her, it didn't make sense, and some time later, maybe up to a year later I realised I was angry all that time with my mum for dying, for choosing to die, for leaving me, us. My anger towards everyone else faded because I had got to the real issue.
Now I view it all differently, Dad had honestly admitted that he couldn't cope with her illness and she had gone into a coma and was in hospital over an hours drive from our home. She was dying and he wanted it over rather than prolonging something that wasn't going to have a good ending anyway. He was doing the best he could considering he was heartbroken and left with 8 children and had given up the farming he enjoyed to look after us and as a result got into debt because he couldn't cope with it all. The woman who came to help out was being her brisk, efficient self working to get us out for school in time and her way of doing things was very different to what we were used to. Yet she treated us the same way she treated her own kids.
I acknowledged, felt and accepted my anger at Mum's for dying. There was a lot of anger that came up at various times. I felt that cancer was "respectable suicide", that she had chosen to die and that brought up a lot of hurt, anger and sadness.
Now occasionally especially at school functions for my kids when grandparents come in I feel a pang of sadness that I don't have my parents there to share in my pride at the children.
The anger seems to have gone, the sorrow appears now and again when I would love to experience their physical presence and then I feel them close to me and realise that just by thinking of them I've summonsed them. Not a lot of people have that kind of relationship with their parents.
Recently the issue of not being interested in life came up for me and I got healing done. During the session I had a flashback to the day of my mum's funeral when we were eating dinner after the funeral. Everyone commented on the lovely food and I felt every bit stick in my throat and at the same time I was aware of how tasty and nourishing this meal was, my mum's friend owned the restaurant the funeral dinner was at and she had probably prepared the majority of it herself.
I just cried when I wrote that last bit as I became aware that this lady wanted to do everything she could for us with this meal and even through feeling it lodge in my throat I was aware of the nourishment in the meal and her sadness also.
So it took me to write all that to realise that I had a point.
I think feeling the sorrow is part of releasing it. When I feel it and acknowledge that I have it, some part of me accepts that life hasn't always been easy and then comes the acceptance for me that for some reason I chose this as part of my life plan. I believe that in allowing myself to feel on these important issues a lot of the minor stuff clears itself away without having to consciously make myself feel it to release it. But that's just my take on it.
My real feelings towards my mum were supressed because I felt I couldn't be angry at a "saint". Now I can accept she was human, had her strengths and failings and that was who she was, it wasn't always what might have been best for her or me but a some level we chose that experience and when something comes up for me to do with her now and again, for my own good, being true to myself, I need to accept what 's true for me and work at it until I feel back in harmony with the whole issue.
Alice

[spiritgirl]

HI Martin

I guess my original underlying question/concern is that my myopia resulted from suppressing my emotions (fear, anger) but down the road could it (suppressing/not expressing) also lead to cancer or other "disorders"? I also do have a slight problem with my thyroid functioning.

I am working on changing perceptions and also journalling helps as well.


SG

[Martin Brofman]

>When feelings are suppressed and you start releasing them, wouldn't it then be normal to have feelings that you're used to thinking of as "harmful" or "evil" etc because you haven't had them for a long time?

It might be that because you felt they were evil or harmful that you were suppressing them, instead of just accepting that they were there, and then just letting them go.

>Is it possible to release the feelings without feeling them?

Yes, though various forms of healing, or just recognizing that they were there and letting them go because you can see things in another way.

>And when starting to feel, would you also have to feel the hurt you may not have wanted to face when the feeling was suppressed?

It dopes not have to happen like that - but just recognize that the feeling was there, and letting it go.

> So maybe I'm actually asking if I'm limiting myself when I have suppressed feelings hurt me (that is, I feel the hurt, then it's gone)? I don't see them as dangerous any more, I dare to face the hurt, but it hurts.

Good that you dare to feel it - but you can recognize that it was there without going into it again, and then find ways to release it.

> E.g mother dies when you're four. The people around distract you and tell you "to have fun" to forget the sorrow. Years later you rediscover the sorrow. Do you think it is possible to "just release the sorrow" without feeling it?

Lovemusic - the definition of suppressing is close top the way that I understand it, though I do not equate it with killing it. For example, someone who has been suppressing their sexuality just needs to recognize that, and no longer do it - but rather express it.

Yes - by recognizing how it might have felt to that four year old, and perhaps having felt abandoned by her, and seeing at this time how bad she must have felt about leaving you behind, and accepting her love into you.

SG - If cancer represents something held in and not expressed, yes, as an answer to your question - though you do not want to create a sense of expectancy of getting cancer - rather, just recognize the importance of expressing yourself and your truth and who you really are.

[spiritgirl]

Hi Everyone

I feel that suppressing an emotion, fear for e.g., just gives it more strength. And if I don't get rid of the fear it it just seems to come up and hit me when I don't expect it!! Maybe that's why I feel out of control sometimes.
Also the intensity of the fear does not seem to be directly related to the nature of the incident. Either I am too "hyper" over the incident or too cool about it! So because of the fear I am seeing a distorted picture of the incident - confirming experientially what Martin has written in the Vision book.

Another thing is also that we may have picked up fear, anger etc from the adults around us. We were not necessarily scared till we saw the fear in their eyes and we became afraid too without really knowing why.


SG

[queen8]

I'm so thankful to be in contact with you! I was really touched when reading about you and you mum, Alice, and I recognize a lot of it (I cried when reading it, too, and there are some "parallells"). I don't understand what you say, Martin, about not having to feel the hurt (and accept feelings that I don't know about, because I've forgotten and suppressed them), but I'll ask God/the universe for a good practical, live example to let me se what you mean and what it means for me in my life. I see a lot of progress (and I was so proud the other day when someone else also noted that my back is straighter and I seem taller!), but sometimes the last months it's been really painful to discover some suppressed feelings. In my case it's also suppressed memory, if that makes sense, but I'm absolutely going in the right direction...

Spirit Girl, you say "Another thing is also that we may have picked up fear, anger etc from the adults around us. We were not necessarily scared till we saw the fear in their eyes and we became afraid too without really knowing why." I see some people (grown-ups) who get the cancer-diagnosis, before the doctor tells them, they may feel everything's okay, then it seems to me that sometimes what the doctor says (and how..."the fear in their eyes"?) is what makes people deadly ill. Not always so, of course, but I've seen some examples now, and then I wonder if it's not "what is not expressed" that is the problem (though it was originally) but the belief that "this may be impossible to cure/heal".

[Angeleyes]

["


>Is it possible to release the feelings without feeling them?

Yes, though various forms of healing, or just recognizing that they were there and letting them go because you can see things in another way.

>And when starting to feel, would you also have to feel the hurt you may not have wanted to face when the feeling was suppressed?

It dopes not have to happen like that - but just recognize that the feeling was there, and letting it go.


but you can recognize that it was there without going into it again, and then find ways to release it."


I really prefer your take on this Martin, my way was quite painful at times. I choose to reconize that the feeling was there without going into it from now on and find ways to release it. Thank you
Alice

[lovemusic]

I think You've been strong, Alice (or you eventually maneged to "see clearly"...) One of my best friends, whose mother died when he was 8 did not survive the trauma (hanged himself when he was 39) and furthermore, with time, he had developed a strong conviction (which, perhaps, he had been suppressing for a long time) that he had been responsible for his mother's death because she died in a car accident while taking him to the dentist (he was unhurt in the car accident) and on the evening before it happened his mother had not kissed him goodnight because he had misbehaved).

My God, what a sad co-creation between mother and child...