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Post by wearefree on Nov 4, 2008 18:51:54 GMT 1
Thanks Martin. I see how not acknowledging my truth has led to the blurry vision. I realise now that emotions are simply there to guide us on our unique paths. In recent years I've certainly been guilty of repressing emotions, which is undoubtedly why I find myself currently in situations I'd rather not be in. It does feel incredible to be listening to myself for once, saying 'yes' to whatever I think and feel, no longer constantly overiding myself.
Thanks.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Nov 5, 2008 9:09:13 GMT 1
You are very welcome.
I am glad you got it.
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Post by wearefree on Nov 7, 2008 8:36:53 GMT 1
When you leave the emotions to fester without making changes, what are the consequences? Since I’ve opened up to my feelings I’ve become a lot more aware of a physical tension in what feels like the centre of my head (I don’t suppose it could be a tumour growth?). It’s something I’ve felt since the beginning of my degree (in a subject which I find very demanding and uninteresting). I used to try to repress the tension, or I would just generally fight with it, probably due to my own instincts that I don’t want the tension there. However I was brought up with the notion of no pain, no gain, so I’ve continued with my degree and will finish next summer. I just wondered what advice you would give, would it be to leave the tension alone and not fight with it, leave the negative emotions to fester per se? I’m pretty sure the tension is related to my life’s situation, since it wasn’t really there before I started my degree. Just to let you know, I do also have eyeritis, if it is at all linked.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Nov 8, 2008 8:46:37 GMT 1
Ask yourself how you feel about going for the degree, and the tension about that would be what I would relate to the tension in your head.
Who are you doing it for?
Then you can decide to release the tension and do what you are going to do anyway, for example...
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Post by wearefree on Nov 10, 2008 12:11:39 GMT 1
Hi Martin,
I think I'm doing the degree out of 'expectancy', perhaps my own expectations of 'how I should be' within my mind. But I've realised through this journey that who I am, is not the same as who I expect I should be. I think I used to treat myself as a robot, doing things that I expected to be honourable such as a degree in a 'difficult and respected discipline'. All the while I ignored my own feelings and my inherent tastes, until now - when the stress became a little too much. I've recently began to notice that as I accept my own nature and own taste for things, that I've become more happier and confident in being myself. It's almost as though I now think the most important thing is that I feel good.
With respect to your suggestions to let go of the tensions, I think it is working although may take a little while. I've begun to accept my thoughts about my degree - 'I don't like it'. Do you think this is the way ahead?...Just acknowledge that I don't like it and then respect that I should finish it anyway since it finishes next summer. In a sense, disconnect myself emotionally from it, and 'just do it'. I think this might be the way forward.
Thanks again. Just on another note: as I accept my own tastes more and more, my own likes and dislikes, I feel a lot more relaxed about things in general, I wonder if this is a case of knowing who I am more?
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Post by Martin Brofman on Nov 10, 2008 16:07:07 GMT 1
>>I've begun to accept my thoughts about my degree - 'I don't like it'. Do you think this is the way ahead?...Just acknowledge that I don't like it and then respect that I should finish it anyway since it finishes next summer. In a sense, disconnect myself emotionally from it, and 'just do it'. I think this might be the way forward.
Yes - or just stop doing it as another option. Since you are almost finished with it, deciding to just finish it would be a way of accepting that you are just not really into it, but okay with finishing it as a practical thing. See how that feels. Plan "B" is always available also.
>>>as I accept my own tastes more and more, my own likes and dislikes, I feel a lot more relaxed about things in general, I wonder if this is a case of knowing who I am more?
Yes.
>>I now think the most important thing is that I feel good.
YES!!!!!
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Post by wearefree on Nov 15, 2008 17:10:08 GMT 1
The option B isn’t really available, kind of due to personal obligations to do with my family(which I’m ok with). But I think I can be ok with just finishing it as a practical thing and just seeing how it goes – kind of like a day to day job just to see the rent through. Perhaps I placed too much expectation on liking my degree subject, trying to connect with it – which is my inherent nature to do with everything I do. So there became a disparity between what I wanted and what was the case. Anyway, my perspective is a little clearer with respect to my degree now. I have wanted to stop doing it for a few years now if honest, but always tried to affirm that I was doing it for good reasons, all the while ignoring my feelings and who I am. Just one thing I’ve noticed in recent weeks: as I stop fabricating my emotional reactions to things (i.e be more real) although my vision improves, I’ve noticed my nostrils become extremely flared. Since I’ve done my degree and lived with someone who I feel tension toward(again I tried hard to ‘like them’), I’ve noticed my nostrils have become a little more flared, but over the last couple of weeks this effect has been very pronounced. Do you know why this is so? I sense it’s due to these tensions. Thanks for all your help once again Martin, all this is so fascinating to me and so real as well. It’s great to have a website like this where we can just for one moment stop living in our cultural/societal bubbles and see ourselves for who we really are and seek to restore some harmony to our ways of being. Thanks again, and keep up the good work everyone!
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Post by Martin Brofman on Nov 15, 2008 17:18:41 GMT 1
Sounds like the nostril flaring could be the tensions about living with someone you do not feel good with, and just getting in touch with yourself about the living you are living compared to what it could be instead.
Awareness is the first step toward change.
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Post by wearefree on Nov 21, 2008 19:45:49 GMT 1
As for me and the person I share the house with - we are just different. I just haven’t acted on my instincts from the start – to avoid him – these instincts were always there. I’ve been overriding my instincts much of my life in fact. The reason we are friends is simply due to my constant compulsion to please others (which is probably why he likes me). It’s good to have made a decision that from now on I am not going to try and please others, unless it comes out of my own genuine choice(and not fear).
With respect to the living, do you think it’s a good idea to ‘treat’ my current living – as not my ‘home’ – just a ‘temporary place’ for me to stay(which it is until next summer) – maybe this way I’ll feel a lot less tense about living their – maybe less attached to it? Perhaps then I’ll be less at the mercy of living there and I can focus on being happy in other areas of my life until I can switch living arrangements.
Acknowledging how I feel about these things does seem to be having some sort of beneficial effect. Perhaps my own deceptions about things in my life caused a lot of the tensions I’m currently experiencing. If I hadn’t tried to deceive myself about how I felt, then maybe I’d be a lot less tense, but then again if I wasn’t deceiving myself I’d probably have chosen the options that would give me the greatest pleasure anyway.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Nov 22, 2008 16:40:37 GMT 1
Yes - see it as temporary - just for now - and then see what other options might present themselves to you.
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Post by wearefree on Nov 22, 2008 17:53:23 GMT 1
Thanks Martin.
Yes, I think I will begin to practically treat the accommodation as just my temporary lodging. I’ve even thought that it might make me feel better to depersonalize my room. Therefore this will make it clearer to me that I am not seeing this place as my home, so it’s not so much a part of my identity. In fact I’ve even considered packing a few bags of things I don’t use, cleaning the room and making it tidy for the next person who stays there after me. Kind of getting ready to leave.
I think this is the first time along my journey when I have sometimes felt a degree of compassion for my roommate(perhaps a sign I no longer feel the victim?) I feel a little bad for leading him along – for being friends before – but never really wanting to be so close(and yet I do not want to offend him). Did you experience anything like this Martin?
Thanks again.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Nov 23, 2008 8:21:36 GMT 1
Fopr me there is a difference between real friendship and social contact for practical reasons.
Anyway, for your roots, I would think that it could be better for you to keep them there temporarily, knowing you could pull them up at short notice, rather than essentially feeling like you have no home at all.
It is your home for now - short term - like just resting your wings for a while as you land on a branch, ready to take off in a moment when/if you need to, in order to get to your real nest.
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Post by wearefree on Nov 27, 2008 20:53:32 GMT 1
Thanks Martin, I completely agree with you about the difference between friends and social contacts. I had been trying to be friends with everyone, when it would have been best to not be friends and just be social contacts (if anything). But I’ve learnt my lesson and will now try and befriend only those I really feel comfortable being myself with or a genuine connection with.
I mentioned on another thread that I had been tripping on my left foot and this happened again today. I tripped again and now I sense that I might know what it’s about. When you mentioned emotional dependency it hit me today that it might be about trusting my emotions. I mentioned earlier, that in accepting my feelings I feel more relaxed, but I have not stayed in this mode of consciousness, where I continuously trust myself. When I find myself being more trusting of my emotions then I feel a lot more relaxed. It is relaxing to be clear about what I do not like and what I do like – just letting it be. I think this is probably me just being more myself. This is one of the first times in my life where I have completely embraced myself and it is coinciding with better eyesight. It really seems that it’s about being yourself, accepting what doesn’t feel good for you without resistance, just accepting it.
One strange physical thing I felt, although only very briefly, so I’m not sure if it was a trick of the mind, was a sensation of feeling heavier and then immediately lighter as though as I was shedding a person(like a snake might shed its skin).
Trusting the trip - I think the words trust your trip are quite important to me now, because part of me feels tempted to go back to my old ways, of twisting into ways of being that ‘aren’t really me’. I hope that I can remind myself to not ‘twist’ just because I’m feeling better or more relaxed.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Nov 28, 2008 10:18:04 GMT 1
Sounds like you are doing great and having improtant realizations - clearer in yourself.
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Post by wearefree on Dec 6, 2008 18:52:04 GMT 1
Thanks Martin, yes I certainly sense I am a lot more clearer in myself.
I've also found it a good practice to write down my thoughts about the things that are currently contributing to the tension in my life/consciousness - with a complete committment to writing down the truth. For some reason this seems to work well and I think I might do it on a daily basis. At the same time, I've also wrote down short term solutions to the tensions, until I can make the necessary long term changes.
The solutions that you gave on here have really helped me. One of the main ones was to acknowledge that there is a big difference between a 'friend' and a 'social contact'. So with those people that I have felt tension towards in my life that I previously thought of as friend's - I have found it much more useful to think of them as 'social contact's' and to act towards them in such a way.
I'm also embracing my tastes more, no longer treating my wants and desires as 'silly' or 'superficial' just because they do not conform to what others might expect. So I'm going to take what I want to do more seriously from now on, I think this is the best approach?
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