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Post by Spirit Girl on Mar 21, 2006 0:36:50 GMT 1
Hello! First of all I wanted to thank Martin for his loving and generous contributions to this board. Thank you for being the shining light! You have given me so much hope, comfort and solace. I have both your books "Anything can be healed" and Improve your vision. They are fabulous. You clarified quite a bit for me especially in the "Karma" chapter how the "Universe is returning to you, through others, the energies and actons that have originated from you." I also want to thank all the members of this board for their questions and answers. They all help in solving my puzzle of Myopia. I also have another eye condition that I need to resolve. But I believe that whatever I had in my consciousness at the age my Myopia set it (12-13) is still there. Something about keeping people at a distance ( I discussed this in the Hirsutism thread) and restricting my expressions, isolating myself. I've also had a feeling of not good enough or being not a good enough daughter. Even though on the face of it (towards them)I pretend that i like my parents i actually loathe them! so on the one hand I loathe them and on the other hand I feel guilty about this and I think how can a good daughter loathe her parents. So I keep going round and round with this!! They weren't extremely horrible to me but were very strict, unempathetic mostly, restricting my movements etc. The interesting thing is my brother does not have a problem with them and he has normal eyesight and so did my parents most of their lives.
I just want to resolve this problem with my parents (loathing them but having to interact with them at least some amount) I feel tired that I cannot keep up the pretense anymore. I am sure this is related to my myopia even though I developed myopia when I was not living with them ( I lived apart from my parents from the ages of 10-13) I remember not liking them or missing them even back then. I am also sure my other eye condition is related to my feelings of guilt of not being a good enough daughter. I think daughters are supposed to love/like their parents.
I would love to receive any comments or suggestions on this. Thank you. Spirit Girl
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Post by Spirit Girl on Mar 21, 2006 1:36:49 GMT 1
Hello again!
I felt the need to keep continuing and get this off my chest! I guess i can also try to change the definition of what a good daughter is - that might help. But then how can I deal with parents who make racist and bigoted comments, ciriticisms and put down of people regularly. I tell them to stop or sometimes I think I'll just try not to judge them! They may stop temporarily but don't change their ways. Either way I am upset and keep thinking about it for days. Its draining for me. It doesn't seem to affect my brother. He shrugs it off or changes the subject.
I have limited my contact with them. But I still do feel controlled by them. I did cut off contact with them for a year when I was younger and that felt so good but I did also feel guilty to some extent - but I felt free! My myopia and my eye condition is bringing this to my attention all the time because I keep examining what's in my mind . I don't know if i can even feel free while they are alive. By the way I am 47 and married and still feel controlled by them in some ways.
My parents have done a lot for me - protected me, fed me, got me braces, glasses, good educations. I do have a couple of minor root chakra issues but I don't want to be nourished by my mother because of the above.
Any suggestions are welcome. Spirit Girl
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Post by queen8 on Mar 21, 2006 8:36:09 GMT 1
Hello! Just a short note. In my case, I was angry with my mother because she didn't see what I was going through and therefore developed a sort of contempt or hatred for her, I think. I don't know if this applies to you, I was just thinking of the fact that your parents moved away and couldn't see how you were affected by living with your relatives. I felt let down, I felt they didn't do what a parent should do (mine didn't go away fysically, but I felt I had lost them as they didn't see the reality I had to face). I guess this means I've put very high standards on what a parent is supposed to do, and therefore my sufferings worsened when I got kids myself and wasn't able to protect them from "all evil". Oh, and "minor problems in root chakra" influence the myopia, so maybe you have to deal with those issues to. Maybe by looking at the thread "being nourished by mother"?! Love from queen who wishes you lots of help and good suggestions on your path to freedom !
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Post by suzanne on Mar 21, 2006 14:00:15 GMT 1
Hello again, Spirit Girl!
I totally agree with Queen. There are definitely messages for you on the 'Being nourished by mother' thread.
I can empathise with all you are saying as I had similar experiences with my parents. But I would strongly recommend that you deal with these issues (as I know you want to) while your parents are still with us - it doesn't get any easier after they pass on (and I write from decades of personal experience!).
However, there are ways around this. Shutting them out of your life never works because, no matter what you do, they will always be your parents and by doing this you would be setting up inner blockages for yourself. In the end I think it boils down to acceptance and forgiveness. Attuning yourself to receive from the Universal energy streams (see other thread) is one part of the equation, and I think the other part involves the acceptance and releasing of them and yourself to be who you are, free from the bonds which are hampering your freedom.
Here is a little releasing meditation, taught to me once by a Tai Chi teacher:
Centre and ground (or root) yourself first, and you could look in the mirror. Say to yourself, 'I love and accept you, (your name), as you are, and I release you to be as you are'.
Then (not looking in the mirror) focus on the person you wish to release (use a photo if it helps) and say, 'I accept you, (their name), as you are, and I release you to be as you are'.
I hope this helps!
Much Love,
Suzanne
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Post by Maria on Mar 21, 2006 16:02:32 GMT 1
Hi Spirit Girl,
It can be very difficult to stand tall and own our power when dealing with people who have traditionally been authority figures in our lives. What can help, is to begin seeing them as our peers instead of someone "above" us. Once we can do that, it becomes easier to set limits and the control issues melt away so we can start living on our terms once again.
Case in point....my grandmother is a very bitter and angry person. Most people can't be in her presence for more that 5 minutes without feeling the negative vibes. My father is 74 and my mother is 66, and they both still tiptoe around her and I see them constantly worn down by her.
I on the other hand have no problems dealing with her. Mainly because every time she started up with me, I shut her down immediately. I'd say something like "Grandma, I love you but I don't want to be around this negative attitude." And she doesn't do it anymore with me. Our visits are pleasant and enjoyable every time.
This became possible once I stopped seeing her as some untouchable matriarch of our family and started seeing her as an angry old woman who isn't happy with how life turned out. Once I saw that, I was able to feel compassion for her instead of being intimidated. And I was also able set boundries of what I would and wouldn't accept from her.
Now at first she got really mad at me and said she was disowning me. It hurt inside but I smiled and said "ok grandma, I'll call you next week and see if you've changed your mind." And I did call and I asked point blank if she was ready to "re-own" me again. And she said no so I let it go another week and called again. After the 5th week or so she decided to see me so I went over and we had a nice little chat. I told her how much I love her and that I really don't want my last memories of my grandmother to be bitter and sad. We talked about a lot of things that day and it totally transformed our relationship. Now she looks forward to my visits and they are always pleasant any upbeat. From other family members, I have heard that she's still bitter and angry, but she leaves her complaining for them, not me.
Note that her overall attitude hasn't changed (at least toward other people). She just knows that I want to see a happy side of her so that's what she shows. And I don't really care what she does or says when I'm not around. It's not my place to judge her or tell her how to live.
Anyway, its your trip and you deserve to take it on your terms.
Be Happy!!!!
Maria
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Post by Spirit Girl on Mar 21, 2006 17:52:28 GMT 1
Hi Queen, Suzanne and Maria Thankyou for your kind replies and generosity! I will keep your suggestions in mind. Actually living with my relatives was a step up to living with my parents. AT least I loved my grandparents. I cried when I found out I had to rejoin my parents. When I rejoined my parents, the restriction of my movements and isolation was still there but in a foreign county. My parents were also contemptuos of people and despised them including all their family members. Looking back, now I am thinking, that if they have such venom towards their own brothers and sisters then I have to make sure I am exactly what they want me to be so they will show me some approval and be happy! Didn't work. My parents life was also a replica of my relatives. So not only did I have a boring life and utter drabness to look forward to as an adult but I had to be like my parents told me to be since they thought everybody was "below" them and not as good as them. Even their couple of so-called friends did not escape their criticisms and judgements( behind their backs ofcourse) So I guess I am running around today with this image in my head about who I think I should be for my parents to get their approval but on the other hand rebelling against this image since I loathe my parents!! So I just have to dislodge this image and live as myself. When I accept and love myself fully this will reflect in my outer environment. I agree with you that I need to forgive and accept them. But maybe in the future ;D But I still feel their love is tainted so I won't touch that right now. I have also tried to think of them as my peers but I feel that I "owe" them because of all they have done for me so the obligation factor is also affecting my relationship. Ofcourse if I was strong and secure in my own power this problem would not even be reflected in my environment. At least I feel good now that I seem to have made the connection of how I started to not be me and my physical problems. And what scared me into not being me! Thankyou once again for your suggestions and for being there Spirit Girl
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Post by Martin Brofman on Mar 22, 2006 11:24:28 GMT 1
First, it makes sense to not only acknowledge your resistance to them, but to see what the resistance is really about.
I would say that you did not begin life resenting your parents - and that the resistance you feel towards them is related to your perception of not being loved by them, and the disappointment you have felt about that - so behind all the other stuff, you love them and would like to know that they love you. If you acknowledge this, you can see what new perceptions of them come to light.
I would also say that everyone is entitled to their opinion, and that they are entitled to be bigoted if they choose - and you are not obliged to agree with them. In fact, it opens the door to have a communication about your differences of perception - and perhaps that can help them get another view. If not, that's okay.
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Post by Spirit Girl on Mar 22, 2006 21:03:21 GMT 1
HI Martin, Thank you for your reply. I am wondering if this lack of love perception (between my parents and me) is the main cause of myopia and the other eye condition. YOu see i had moved with my parents from INdia to England at the age of 6 and then at the age of 10 we (me and my brother) were sent back to live with my relatives in India. We went there by ourselves (entrusted to the flight crew and some other person on the plane for our safety). I'm not sure if my parents explained to us at that time why we were being sent back. Even now they give us different reasons. But my myopia did not set in till a couple of years later (age 12-13) so I am not sure if its related to that issue. As I said I was happier with my relatives and slightly more free. But one aunt hated my mother. My other eye condition (lattice degeneration - produces floaters and sensitivity to light) - came about about 7 years ago. Two years previously to that I had got caught in the middle of a nasty conflict between my parents (fathers family) and those same relatives and I had to take my parents side and don't talk to the relatives any more! I hated my parents for putting pressure on me to be a good and loyal daughter to them. As an aside I had a long distance healer work on my eyes a couple of years ago and she said that the degeneration originated from my right eye and then crossed over to affect the left (I don't fully understand this). Basically I understand that they love me but they have bought me the most amount of grief of anyone I know Spirit Girl
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Post by Martin Brofman on Mar 23, 2006 7:27:31 GMT 1
If the myopia did not set in until the age of 12 - 13 you should look at what was happening in your life at that time that you reacted to with insecurity and a sense of hiding inside.
Sexuality?
About the floaters and sensitivity to light, we associate that with controlling yourself, and a problem with authority.
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Post by Spirit Girl on Mar 29, 2006 0:02:55 GMT 1
HI Martin Thank you for your response! Yes I do have a problem with authority and I am a very careful person to the point that I am slightly obsessive - I keeping checking the same thing over and over. This last only since the past 6-7 years Anyway I am realizing that I have a fearful world view.Not only do I have a fear regarding people but I also am afraid of things going wrong or horrible bad in the future based on my present actions, inanimate objects - like I may get too much radiation or whatever from cell phones, microwave etc. I still don't know the exact thing that embedded this fear or it was just incremental - but I can change my perception to that of a loving and safe universe and also that my parents did and do love me. I am also realizing that my world is totally different than it was when I was a young girl and I don't have to react the same way as before. I see that no one is forcing me to do anything - the fear inside me is urging this old behavioral pattern. So I am holding the perception of love Spirit Girl
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Post by Martin Brofman on Mar 29, 2006 18:54:03 GMT 1
You are on the right track. Keep us posted on progress, will you?
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rey
New Member
Posts: 5
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Post by rey on Mar 30, 2006 4:25:47 GMT 1
It is true that the part of my life when my vision got impaired was when I confuois in my life..And I felt on the time that there is something wrong in mylife.I have low self confidence but now I realize that I should not be.Sometimes I am afraid of doing the changes to my personality to be what really who I am.What can I do.Thanks.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Mar 31, 2006 13:43:26 GMT 1
Trust your trip.
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Post by Spirit Girl on Apr 3, 2006 23:48:02 GMT 1
HI Rey I personally think that changing our self image, our perceptions of ourselves is the way to go! If my perception of myself is that of a person who is "bad" "wrong" "not right" etc then my behavior will reflect that. So examine what your self image is and start changing your perception of yourself to a good, wonderful, great person (in your mind) and your behavior will reflect your new self image. I have found that changing my behaviour before changing my self image makes me more careful, hesitant, holding back - in other words - not natural. Spirit Girl
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Post by Martin Brofman on May 7, 2006 9:38:24 GMT 1
Yes - changing your self image means changing your beliefs, and therefore your reality.
Also, change your beliefs about being yourself - from "When I do what I really want to do, something bad happens," to: "When I do what I really want to do, something wonderful ALWAYS happens.
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