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Post by Maria on Jan 10, 2007 15:12:25 GMT 1
Hi, I find myself wondering why you want to get in the middle of everyone else's issues. If your sister-in-law has an issue with your parents, why can't she take it directly to them? Funny thing about people is that they often like to complain but don't really want to do anything about their situation. The only thing you can do is work on yourself and your relationship with each individual. Let other people take care of their own stuff Peace, Maria
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Post by SpiritGirl on Jan 10, 2007 17:08:24 GMT 1
HI Martin and Queen Thank you for your insights and understanding! This is why I love this forum - no judgements just support. You are right - all these "shoulds" don't feel good and make me unhappy. But some of these "shoulds" are more to make other people happy. Maybe its a need to make others happy. I don't know why I started to take responsibility for everyone's happiness. After all what do I know what makes others happy SpiritGirl
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Post by SpiritGirl on Jan 10, 2007 17:17:27 GMT 1
HI Maria
I find myself getting sucked into everyone else's problems. And then when I realize it I have started loathing the other person!! Its part of my "fake" persona that I have discovered. Its more of a need to be nice to other people (just for show) rather than any genuine wanting to help. Ofcourse it always works against me in the end - I just end up feeling resentful and vaguely abused. Maybe I have low self esteem and want others to like me. I know I should just work on my own self and happiness. I always feel attracted to people who are in a happy vibe and not needy. Thank you for your input.
SpiritGirl
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Post by SpiritGirl on Jan 10, 2007 17:37:22 GMT 1
I have not realized this till now but my interactions with my parents were not just one-sided. I am just blaming them for everything but what was my contribution to the "bad" stuff?. After all, it does take "two to tango" . Well I did (do) have anger and rage issues, and always talked back to them and disrespected them as well. So I have to take responsibility for my actions and words (good or bad) and what happens as a result. Its as if I forgot that I "existed" at that time of the "bad" interactions.
It sounds weird but I do forget that I "exist" when I interact with people. I am not sure how else to explain this feeling. I am so focused on the other person. Then later I get upset with myself for getting sucked in or manipulated. I guess I am less conscious of myself when with others. Maybe its a need to be saying the right thing - protecting my image of being nice. Anyway this is a huge realization for me. I'll see where it takes me.
SpiritGirl
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jan 11, 2007 11:23:29 GMT 1
Good that you take responsibility for your own actions - and let go of the responsibility for what others choose to think or feel.
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Post by Spirit Girl on Feb 8, 2007 19:36:41 GMT 1
Hi Martin and everyone Just wanted to let you know that the red spot disappeared completely within a couple of days! I was able to work out those tensions. So thank you again for your help.
I also have a question regarding this paragraph from Anything Can be Healed" " At the level of the Yellow Chakra and below, we are concerned with ourselves and our needs, physical cause-and-effect reality, as well as emotional needs and the pleasure principle, orienting ourselves toward that which feels best." Does this mean when I am at the level of the Green chakra I perceive all my emotional needs as being met already?. Or I don't need others to meet my emotional needs - I am self contained. Or I will be less "self-aborbed" and thinking more of others?
I would appreciate it if you could clarify this for me.
Spirit Girl
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Post by Martin Brofman on Feb 9, 2007 7:35:41 GMT 1
At the level of the green it is aobut the interaction between you and your environment, and also considering the needs of others.
"less "self-absorbed" and thinking more of others"
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Post by spiritgirl on Oct 28, 2008 16:30:08 GMT 1
HI Martin
I am no longer living with my parents. I am just trying to have a "normal" relationship with them without any of us getting angry and upset. If I was not related to them I would not even bother.
But then I don't ever remember liking them - I just remember fearing them mostly. So I guess if I never had a genuine feel good relationship with them all my life why do I keep hoping against hope that it will be different every time I interact with them? Why do I keep expecting them to be "lovey-dovey" when they never were before? Why do I keep expecting them to say something nice to me when they never ever have? Maybe its to do with the power/control issues in the family. Anyway I keep going round and round with this because of my guilt (for not liking them) and anger. I see how other families interact and I feel a big loss, hole, deprivation type feeling.
Basically I want to have an adult relationship between us not based on power/control issues but more on connecting with each other as in "we are in this family together, this world together, we are equal", based on bonding, affection, sharing, doing things together.
For your situation with your parents, I wonder whether you are still living with them, and whether that needs to change.How can we go about healing this relationship with our parents?
We have to get to the point where we not only forgive them, but also let in their love.
>>And doesn't it have to be a two way street?
No - it's just about what has been happening in your own consciousness, and healing that for your own good and well-being and health.
>>If they fundamentally disapprove of us in some way and keep expressing it in different ways, then what can we do?
We can see that as the way they express their love, wanting the best for us.
>>Then its not bearable to be in their company.
Some people are more easily loved at a distance.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Oct 29, 2008 7:40:15 GMT 1
It's hard for me to believe that it was always like that - it had to start out with a different feeling in your own consciousness until you made a decision about it being as it is now.
Perhaps you can be an example to them of what you would like it to be.
Put out what you want back. See what happens.
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Post by spiritgirl on Oct 29, 2008 15:34:49 GMT 1
HI Martin
I can definitely see how the negative energy that I have putting out made this a reality for me. My parents told me that I cried constantly for the first 9 months of my life. Also I remember my anger issues as far back as 6 years of age. I used to fly into such rages and throw things and I have not really got to the root cause of that yet. So maybe my parents reacted to this in a non-optimal way. Or on the other hand maybe I was picking up their anger and fear. Maybe it was a circular thing. Chicken or egg kind of thing.
One thing that I do recall is this: that I used to read and daydream a lot and was happy doing this. I was sending out a lot of positive energy - maybe neutralizing a lot of negative energy ;D. Otherwise I may have created a worst reality.
Well I will keep on trying. Working to release the mountain (or hill by now) of guilt and anger and blame. Working on changing to more optimal perceptions. Maybe this will automatically change my interactions with them and others. After all people react differently to someone who is peaceful as compared to an angry person.
Thank you
SG
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Post by Martin Brofman on Oct 29, 2008 16:24:06 GMT 1
Perhaps your parents had their own issues of isolation and did not know how to address your needs. I can understand that you might have reacted to the sense of having no contact - and that might very well have contributed to your own sense of isolation.
Anyway, now you can take a new start and step into a new movie as a new being.
Happy re-birth.
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Post by spiritgirl on Oct 30, 2008 17:38:11 GMT 1
Hi Martin and everyone
Yesterday I started feeling better and stronger than I have in a couple of weeks.
I have been analysing my anger issues. I realized that I get angry when my main internal focus is on Root/Orange chakra stuff not on what makes me happy. In my family, money, housework, school, job and money was the focus - everything to do with our physical survival. My feelings regarding any of this stuff was not important. So for example a steady (boring) job with decent money was very important but being happy did not come into the picture. Also eating and food preparation were very important. Making money, saving money, getting bargains were very important. On the other hand, friends, parties, celebrations, outings, any fun stuff was something that either was not done or maybe two times a year.
Now I realize that any of the Root chakra and Orange Chankra stuff can be fun if it is presented in a certain way- but I cannot associate any fun feelings with this stuff. I have good feelings when I focus on what makes me happy but when I focus on Root/Orange chakra and think I have be a financial success, have career success, be a great cook I feel all weak and makes me feel sick to my stomach. Ofcourse my parents are always talking of money and food - they even tell me their menu!! Also they speak with contempt of people who spend money and don't save (as if its their business) And so this makes me angry with them (among other things ;D) . But maybe the anger is because I feel that it should be important to me but its really not? Or I have to make it important so that my parents will approve? Also another thought is that why should I be a big success if I can't get what I want from them. And also I'll show them by being a failure.
SG
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Post by lovemusic on Oct 30, 2008 18:20:46 GMT 1
Ofcourse my parents are always talking of money and food - they even tell me their menu!! Also they speak with contempt of people who spend money and don't save (as if its their business) And so this makes me angry with them (among other things ;D) . But maybe the anger is because I feel that it should be important to me but its really not? Or I have to make it important so that my parents will approve? Also another thought is that why should I be a big success if I can't get what I want from them. SG As long as they are not actually (actively) "putting obstacles" in your way (in that case, then, anger might serve as "positive energy" for you to "set your boundaries"), so that you can freely focus on what YOU are more attracted towards (like things which are associated with the higher chakras) ...why bother getting angry with them if all they do is to focus on what THEY are interested in?
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Post by Martin Brofman on Oct 31, 2008 7:12:24 GMT 1
Being angry at your parents because of what they consider important is like being angry at them because they like vanilla ice cream while you like chocolate. They have their preferences, and you are certainly entitled to yours, even if they are different than theirs.
>>I'll show them by being a failure.
Yes. Very adult. Very intelligent.
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Post by spiritgirl on Oct 31, 2008 15:18:47 GMT 1
HI Lovemusic
Thanks for your feedback! They are not putting obstacles in my way - I guess only I am stopping myself. Only my anger. And that is a total waste of time. I see that now. Its time for me to choose different responses to these situations that trigger my anger. I just was not able to pinpoint the exact issue previously.
SG
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