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Post by spiritgirl on Oct 31, 2008 15:31:21 GMT 1
HI Martin You are right. These thoughts (and my anger) are childish but they came tumbling out anyway when I was posting. So now I can see what has been in the dark recesses of my mind, see it in the light, and what I have to do, what is stopping me, from being fully myself. I have pinpointed the trigger for my anger and at that point I know now that I can choose a different response. Previously this issue (with my parents and anger) was more blurry to me. I do feel more stronger and in charge already. I also like to add that what I post here is only one aspect of my life, even tho' it seems I am just focused on my parents I do enjoy my life but I want to be in complete control of all aspects of it. Thank you SG
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Post by lovemusic on Oct 31, 2008 16:38:17 GMT 1
HI Lovemusic Thanks for your feedback! They are not putting obstacles in my way - I guess only I am stopping myself. Only my anger. And that is a total waste of time. I see that now. Its time for me to choose different responses to these situations that trigger my anger. I just was not able to pinpoint the exact issue previously. SG Hi SG, I'm glad my feedback helped. You know, at times, the feedback I give to others may just be the feedback I need to hear myself... and I, too, may need your feedback from time to time...
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Post by spiritgirl on Oct 31, 2008 23:13:17 GMT 1
HI Lovemusic You have indeed helped me. When I read back this whole thread on the forum things are more clear to me. And I do see now that is is MY reaction and response to my parents that is the problem - it was very difficult for me to clearly identify the triggers before. I kept going round and round. And its true what you said about posting here - helps us as well as others. Sometimes when I post to another's thread I think "Hmmm, I could be following the same advice" Anyway I am feeling excellent today. Have a great weekend!! And thanks again. SG
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Post by spiritgirl on Feb 28, 2009 16:36:24 GMT 1
HI Martin I am continuing here instead of over on Mario's thread - I did not want to divert the attention from him. You said: SG - Sexuality is about sex. How do you feel about sex? Any tensions in your consciousness there?
...and it seems there are many sensitivities you have been dealing with in terms of being in a female body.Yes I am sensitive about my sexuality and sex. Also about being judged more in a female body. I was not so aware of this previously. I have become more aware of this recently as I really see how people question me and their responses. I guess I was "hiding" because I feel I cannot live up to these high expectations of others. My parents and extended family also wanted me to be highly educated and have a big career and make lots of money. Which I don't mind either but I felt pushed into a career that I did not want (accounting) so I was not successful in it. And felt guilty about this. Also I have felt that I should be doing things perfectly or at least some high standard- like investing my money perfectly, running my house perfectly, have perfect relationships. Maybe my parents always talk about themselves being perfect in every way and I have taken on this pressure and anxiety. They criticize and judge everyone who they think is imperfect and unlike them. Anyway yesterday I was thinking of these things and realized I don't have to do anything perfectly or according to any high external standard. I mean who is going to make me?? ;D I can just deal with things my own way even if it is imperfect or half-hearted . I felt such an ebbing away of my anxiety - it felt so good! Better than trying to be perfect and getting approval for it. The release of tension in my body felt better than any love and approval I get from others. Also my left eye had been more blurry lately and after this releasing, I notice it had improved. I think I am onto something here Thank you
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Post by Martin Brofman on Feb 28, 2009 18:50:49 GMT 1
Sounds great.
Time to live your own dream.
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Post by spiritgirl on Mar 3, 2009 15:03:40 GMT 1
HI Martin
I have developed another eye problem it seems! I noticed it 2 days ago - it seems as if there is a film over my eyes especially in the light. I can see better in the darker areas. The vision is not distorted but just a general cloudy film over both eyes. I first got it when i was driving to my parents house and wearing contact lenses. I took them off and wore glasses after that At the end of the day my eyes were back to normal. Then again I woke up this morning and the same filmy cloud over both my eyes.
I feel very afraid. Please help.
SG
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Post by Martin Brofman on Mar 3, 2009 15:49:58 GMT 1
Something difficult for you to look at.
Insist on looking at what you have not wanted to take a closer look at.
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Post by spiritgirl on Mar 10, 2009 17:55:18 GMT 1
HI Martin
Thank you so much for all your help and support! I was feeling so scared but kept reminding myself that this is just an external symptom of what is going on in my consciousness. Anyway, my eyes are back to my "normal". I have had some ongoing stress (an ill family member) and I thought I was handling it well. Maybe its also significant that the first time it happened I was on my way to visiting my parents and I am always conflicted about this.
When you say Insist on looking at what you have not wanted to take a closer look at. does this mean to look at what is going externally at the actual situation or internally what I am really thinking and feeling about it? Please clarify.
SG
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Post by Martin Brofman on Mar 11, 2009 7:39:32 GMT 1
Look at the issues in your consciousness that you have not wanted to look at - those for which you say, "It can't be that," or "I don't want to deal with that right now," or "I don't want to look at that."
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Post by spiritgirl on Mar 11, 2009 14:12:48 GMT 1
HI Martin
Yes I have been thinking like this frequently! I have been thinking (about this situation with the ill family member) that I can't deal with this anymore, I am so done with it, please go away, I want to run away where I don't know anyone, I am so bored with it! I also have had other symptoms recently too, after the flu initially, recently I have been feeling nauseas and lethargic as well as my eye problem.
OK - in your book you say "If its a situation in which you do not feel happy, you have 3 choices: 1) Change the situation. Rearrange it. 2) Change the way you see the situation 3) Leave the situation, Find another.
Regarding #1 - everything (that is possible) has been done to help this ill family member eg best doctors, medication, equipment etc. But him getting better is not under my control
Regarding # 3 , can't leave the situation as its a family member.
Regarding #2 - when I think of him and his illness - I get angry and upset and frustrated , powerless etc. Feeling like a cloud is hanging over me. Don't want to deal with it. So now this reaction is what I need to change - would this be correct? This reaction of anger and frustration etc at the situation is the stressor that is triggering my physical symptoms?? Because when I look/think of this situation its not a happy feeling. I feel stressed out. Also the feeling of powerlessness in this situation is the strongest feeling.
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Post by Martin Brofman on Mar 11, 2009 15:45:43 GMT 1
Choose to see the situation with compassion. After all, this person has created the symptom with what he has chosen to put into his consciousness - and you can only help him if he wants to be helped.
Just love him and wish him well, and leave the rest up to him, so that he doesn't feel like you have been trying to control him.
You can send him distant healing, which he is free to accept or reject - and then, knowing you have done all you could, let it go.
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Post by spiritgirl on Jan 7, 2010 14:18:27 GMT 1
HI Martin
You have suggested to many people on this board to let in the love of their Mother and Father to heal all sorts of symptoms. When I try to do this and think of them consciously I feel annoyed and basically I dislike them - altho I love them in my own way. I know they love me in their own way. I can see their good points/bad points.
Some time back they mentioned that if I had married outside my "community" they would have disinherited me totally i.e. acting like I don't exist for them. Its not an issue now because I married "right". I always feel that one mistep with them and they will withhold their love and even try to turn my brother against me (which they have done previously).
Sometimes I go to visit them and feel full of love - but then they open their mouth and all the hatred (for most people) comes out and I feel disgusted!!
How can I change my perceptions to let in their love when they keep talking about how much they hate everyone? Maybe I am on that list too I feel a lot of the time unless I act "right" with them?
I would appreciate your feedback. Thank you.
SG
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jan 8, 2010 7:08:53 GMT 1
Parents can tend to be very protective of their children, and that may include admonitions to marry only within their own community - but the idea is to see it as their expression of love, even though it may seem like a very strange way of expressing love.
They might be prejudiced, and perhaps a lot easier to love at a distance - but anyway, the basic question is whether or not they love you, and if so, would you like to be able to let in their love, even though you may not appreciate how they express that love.
Since you know they love you, and you have noticed that you feel resistance about letting in their love, it sounds as though you have homework.
Letting in their love can be a philosophical question - but if you have been experiencing some kind of symptoms that we can relate to having had a sense of isolation, the question becomes a very practical one, rather than just philosophical. The idea is that what you have been doing until now has not been working for you - and you need to do something different.
See how it is to let in their love, at least at a distance. After all, if you asked them, they would no doubt tell you that they love you - so see if you can find the way to release the resistance and once more feel the connection with them, even seeing them in their own world that you do not feel part of.
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Post by Angeleyes on Jan 11, 2010 10:03:24 GMT 1
Hello Spirit Girl and Martin, Reading Spiritgirl's post brought up something for me. a few days ago when listening to "you are a Healer" meditation I realised I wasn't letting in my father's love. I had been recognising a fear of other peole's anger lead back to childhood when his anger/rages were uncontrolable for a few days before that. When I try to let in his love, I feel his anger. I have been feeling isolated physically, mentally and emotionally from the world since before Christmas as we are snowed in. Our driveway, which is very treacherous to drive on so it has been necessary journeys only and usually with my husband driving. I realised isolation was to do with my father and letting in his love so thats why I started to work on it. My dad is dead. I have usually felt a good connection with him since his death, and recently noticed I was irritated with my sister for only pointing out his grumpy tendencies as I seemed to remember all his good points. Since I started to work on my fear of anger and the isolation issue, it's like his anger seems to have been huge and the nicer side of him has paled away into the background. Any suggestions on how to work with this Martin?
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jan 11, 2010 14:02:08 GMT 1
>>I have usually felt a good connection with him since his death, and recently noticed I was irritated with my sister for only pointing out his grumpy tendencies as I seemed to remember all his good points. Since I started to work on my fear of anger and the isolation issue, it's like his anger seems to have been huge and the nicer side of him has paled away into the background.
Sounds like you have been doing what you have accused your sister of doing. Caught in the magic mirror, as it were.
If you have been using your sister as a mirror, imagine what you would say to her about this, and then listen to the words, understanding that they are, in fact, meant for you - and in that way, you can see that all the advice you need is in your own consciousness, in the nature of your own perceptions.
Understanding that the anger was just his own frustration, and had nothing to do with you, might help. Even if he might not have known how to express his love, understanding that the love was there can help you to let it in now, knowing that you will not be dealing with his anger at this time.
Remind yourself of his nice side, until it again comes into the foreground.
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