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Post by spiritgirl on Jan 29, 2010 18:04:03 GMT 1
HI Martin
I see what you are saying about parents being overprotective and I understand that that's what it is about in regards to my parents. I hadn't thought of it that way before!
I also have another question: In the BMS system you have stated that ""the mother provides the nourishment and the father provides the direction in the traditional family. My question is what about the child - is the child supposed to "provide" something in return to the parents?
I would like to keep even more of a distance from my parents but am conflicted about this. First of all they have alienated and isolated themselves from their family and friends. I am the nearest and only relative. My brother decided to move abroad and I feel all alone in dealing with them. I feel this burden of responsibility towards them since they are getting old and ill. They don't ask me to do anything for them but just to stay in touch and visit. I feel guilty if I stay away too much. If I don't stay in touch then I start to worry. I feel I have to choose the lesser of the 2 evils : worry/guilt or hatred/disgust. I can't see my way out of these conflicted feelings.
Basically it is this: I love them in my own way because they are my parents and have concerns for their well being but I loathe their personality - I can't stand to be around them too much. Also the feeling of having to be "something" in return to them.
Could you give me some suggestions to change my perceptions on this? Or how to resolve the internal conflicts? Am I supposed to provide something in return to my parents?
Thank you SG
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jan 30, 2010 9:02:37 GMT 1
>what about the child - is the child supposed to "provide" something in return to the parents?
Just to let in their love.
You are an adult now - so you can talk to them as an adult, and relate to them as an adult - and perhaps, even just getting off your chest (heart to heart) with them the things you have found difficult to deal with. See how they respond.
I would imagine that you could say whatever you want to, as long as it is said lovingly.
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Post by spiritgirl on Feb 16, 2010 20:51:09 GMT 1
Hi Martin I have been communicating with my parents regarding their healthcare, doctor visits, finances, their home etc. So I am thankful that they are open about all this. But I have to be careful not to let myself get too involved with their lives. Issues of control come into play then. I think my basic conflict is between just wanting to be me and do what I want and feeling I have to play a "daughterly" role for them. So I have to resolve this and your feedback is helping me a lot. Thank you for this : "Just to let in their love" This feels good and freeing And by the same token are we supposed to provide or be something for other family members like siblings/aunts/nephews/in laws? I personally don't want to be friends with a whole bunch of relatives but just be amiable to them when I do meet them. I would appreciate your feedback. thank you SG
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Post by Martin Brofman on Feb 17, 2010 8:07:22 GMT 1
You are free. Do what feels right for you.
Normally (?) people feel it is right to acknowledge family and respect family - though sometimes they are just a different vibration than we. Being amiable with them when you meet sounds right to me.
Trust your trip.
BTW, it sounds as though your parents are open to your advice - and appreciate it. You can understand that as something about seeing your advice as an expression of love, from their point of view - but again, just do what feels right for you - and keep the communication open, so that if you feel that something is their decision to make, let them know that also.
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Post by spiritgirl on Apr 29, 2010 16:55:03 GMT 1
Hi Martin
I was wondering what is the desire or motivation for people to criticize and judge and condemn others? I know we are all human and not all perfect but I am talking about the tendency to disparage, condemn, and verbally trash others excessively and at every opportunity!
According to the BMS system this would, I believe, correspond to the Solar Plexus Chakra and control i.e. deciding what others should think and do.
I wanted to get your insight into the motivation for this behavior so that I can deal with it more successfully when dealing with people who display this behavior.
Thank you
SG
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Post by Martin Brofman on Apr 30, 2010 7:19:56 GMT 1
Yes, it is tension in the solar plexus - and we always have a choice as to which chakra to look through, though most people are just caught in their perceptions, caught in the Magic Mirror.
You should be aware of the process we know as "Mirroring." I have posted it here as another thread. It is Chapter 28 in my healing book. Check it out.
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Post by spiritgirl on Apr 30, 2010 17:25:45 GMT 1
Hi Martin
Thankyou - I just reread the Mirroring chapter but I cannot find the thread that you mentioned.
From the book 'Anything Can Be Healed' " WE can say that we attract to ourselves others who bring out from us information we need to hear for ourselves. You can always ask yourself whether what was communicated relates to you, or whether it is apparent that the one making the communication is looking into the magic mirror, and talking to themselves."
So basically I can interpret the situation in a couple of different ways:
1. I've attracted these "complainers" "whiners" etc into my life but what information are they bringing out from me to hear? The advice that I would like to give them is to basically this "Mind your own business and focus your energies on your own happiness". So this is the advice/communication that I am giving myself!! And I should follow it.
2. I could look at what they are saying about other people or even about me, and see how it pertains to me otherwise just know that they are just talking to their own reflection, their own selves.
Would these interpretations be correct according to the mirroring concept in your book?
SG
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Post by Martin Brofman on May 1, 2010 7:20:35 GMT 1
The complainers are bringing out from their mouths and thoughts what it is they need to hear for themselves. If they are thinking or saying "She should not do THAT," they are really saying, if that were ME, I should not do THAT."
We can say that perhaps they are caught in the Magic Mirror.
Of course, the advice to decide to focus on your own happiness is good, also.
The world is full of people walking around and talking to themselves - but only some of them are listening. When you know this, you still go around and talk to yourself, but now you listen, also.
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Post by spiritgirl on Jan 5, 2011 14:35:31 GMT 1
Dear Martin
I have a problem that I am unsure whether its related to crown, solar plexus or root chakra!
Basically I feel I want more connections, interactions, friendships with people. I end up manifesting friends who want to meet very occasionally like once a year but communicate via email in the meantime. They are busy with their jobs/families. Plus when I invite them over to my house for a party they tend to decline. The friends who do have more time for me end up talking too much about their problems and I find it too overwhelming so I end up distancing myself. I want light hearted but good and satisfying interactions.
You had mentioned on another thread and in the book that the end result is the motivation. So is my motivation to be alone? Or have unsatisfying friendships? Or not be visible to others? I also wonder if my (past) unhappiness regarding the relationship with my parents is like a beacon but pushing people away ;D I wonder what your opinion would be of this?
SG
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Post by Martin Brofman on Jan 6, 2011 7:12:34 GMT 1
> The friends who do have more time for me end up talking too much about their problems and I find it too overwhelming so I end up distancing myself.
Isolating yourself.
If the end result is that you feel isolated, it could be interesting to look at crown chakra issues, stuff with father, authority, etc.
It's also important to not lay a trip on yourself. Rather, ask yourself what you can do about it. are there some social events in your area where you can meet people?
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Post by spiritgirl on Mar 30, 2011 22:33:42 GMT 1
HI Martin I am trying to get more clarity regarding my last post about relationships.
In some of my relationships with people I find that I am ambivalent and unsure of their motives. They "act" like they want to be friends with me but then on the other hand are too busy to keep in touch regularly. I feel that I am peripheral (sp) in their lives - like in the last .00001% !!!! Then they resurface and say general things like "Lets get together soon - its been so long!". When I invite them for a party they have some excuse to decline. Then I feel unsure if I want to continue the friendship but at the same time am unwilling to give it up forever. In other words I am "not clear" in this area of my life in regards to certain people. I don't know where I stand with them. Even with my parents I am ambivalent about their feelings for me even tho I know they love me in their own way. I've had this feeling since my teens and maybe could be related to my myopia (because of the insecurity)
There are places where I could meet new people but I feel hesitant about meeting new people because of this problem. I guess I just don't understand peoples definition of friendship. ON the other hand I do enjoy and have been getting together with people who want to be with me "clearly" and "without excuses"! So I am not isolating myself from people in that sense. I can also see the difference in how I feel towards my "straightforward" friends (clear) and the other "non straightforward" friends (blurry) but don't know how to resolve the blur! Come to think of it the "blur" is also because on the one hand I want to have a relationship with these people but then feel that they "act funny" with me i.e. I'm unsure of their motives for saying or doing those things which have me confounded and perplexed. But I don't want to be questioning or cross-examining their motives!
I would appreciate any insight.
Thank you SG
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Post by Martin Brofman on Mar 31, 2011 8:25:54 GMT 1
Unsure of their motives = insecurity = nearsightedness.
Also - you have been placing expectations on them - expecting them to behave in a certain way to live up to your expectations. If they sense that, I can understand why they can feel hesitant about being with you. Respect their freedom to be who they are, and just be with whom you feel comfortable.
If your reason for doing something (meeting new people, for example) is insecurity, you can decide to step through the fear, replace it with confidence, and just do what you really want to do.
Trust your trip.
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Post by spiritgirl on Mar 31, 2011 13:57:08 GMT 1
HI Martin
Is their any value in trying to figure out people's motives? I'm talking about the ones that I get mixed messages from for e.g. "Let's get together - but I'm too busy for you" or I pick up some hostility/anger towards me underneath the "nice" surface. I feel sometimes if I can "decode" what they are really saying it would help me improve the relationship. Or is this a loosing proposition?
Thanks SG
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Post by Martin Brofman on Mar 31, 2011 14:23:35 GMT 1
Perhaps they would like to be with you but at the same time are a bit wary because they feel the expectations placed on them by you.
Keep it simple - just be with them when it feels good to do so - and understand that they are following the same rules.
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Post by spiritgirl on Apr 4, 2011 19:41:17 GMT 1
HI Martin I can see now that its a control issue on my part with those friends. I know that I am free to do whatever else I want now. This ambivalent/blurry feeling (from childhood) is a mixture of control (waiting for the other person to do something different) and anxiety (me not being able to do anything different because of threats from the adults around me) So my insecurity is due to this feeling of being threatened when I do what I want. And I really liked what you stated on the "Brow Chakra" thread. "We must always do what feels right for us to do" Thank you for your feedback. I am getting more and more clear everyday. SG
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